Finding a Place to Live in Boston

Oy! I swore when I bought my house almost 3 years ago that I was done moving (at least for a long while), and I was so grateful to not have to go through the hassle of finding a place to live, filling out rental applications, etc. I wish that the "me" at that time had thought twice before signing on the dotted line.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house...Well, love might be a strong word, but I quite enjoy my place. Sometimes it is a love-hate relationship depending on what decides to break or fall apart at the time.

Now faced with the reality that I am going to move to Boston to start law school this August, I am once again thrown into the perils of apartment hunting.  Let me tell you it is no picnic, and I am cursing myself under my breath as I do it! First of all, I am moving to a city I know little about. Second, while I do know a couple people from the area, there are still hundreds of potential places for me to narrow down.

Here's what I am finding so far:

• There are a few neighborhoods that are on the OK, decent, or great lists of places to live (Allston-Brighton, Brookline, Backbay, and a couple of others).
• Rent for a studio apartment goes for 1.5 times what my mortgage and condo fee costs for current house. 
• The odds of me having to give up my car during the year are looking more and more likely. 
• I will have to learn to ride public transportation, which I haven't done much. 
• Bonus: Who needs a gym when I am going to have to walk EVERYWHERE for what I need. 
• I am worried that I will not be able to take the kitties with me. :(
• I am starting to wonder if I should look for a roommate, but it is difficult when you have cats to find someone who is OK with that. 

Thankfully, I am going to Boston next week to scope out some of these places in person. The plan is to narrow it down to 2-3 places, and maybe put down a deposit on one before I leave. I really need to nail this down soon. I am starting to stress that I don't have a place to live yet for August, and finding one will take a huge burden off me right now. 

Even after I find a place to live in Boston, there are still so many details I have to worry about here. For instance, I have to rent my house out. While my property value is good, the fact that several houses in the last year have gone to foreclosure/bank sales and they have undercut the selling prices is making it very difficult for me to have confidence is listing (and selling) my house for what it is truly worth. 

Second, if I can take the kitties, how am I going to be able to transport them for that length of a drive and make sure they are safe and comfortable?  Lucky has already been having stomach issues, and I worry she will not tolerate the stress of the drive very well. Izzie, I think, will do much better.  Also, if I do end up taking a summer externship out of Boston or abroad, what will I do with my kitties? I know this seems silly to think about now, but that's how I operate - always looking a few steps ahead.

Lastly, what am I going to do with all of my stuff? I have accumulated so much crap (well not all crap) over the last 6 years of being out of school. Over the last few weeks, I have taken to make a list of things I could sell, donate, and or throw away, but I still have so many things to consider and without knowing exactly how big my apartment would be, I am just speculating at what I can/can't take with me. 

I really hope Boston lives up to its reputation...Ready or not, here I come!

Law School Updates

For those who haven't been in the loop for a while on my current law school conundrum, here's what you have missed:

I got into New England School of Law, University of the Pacific, Florida Coastal, Chicago-Kent, University of Cincinnati, Penn State University, and finally IUPUI!  I was wait-listed at several schools including Emory, University of Iowa, and University of Minnesota. There were a couple of hater schools that didn't accept me, but their loss!

After much decision, I have narrowed my choices down to New England Law and IUPUI.  I am strongly leaning toward New England largely because 1) it is in Boston, 2) they offered me a boat load of cash, 3) it has such a strong history, 4) they have a lot to offer in terms of international human rights law programs and externships, and 5) they are in an East Coast BLUE state! While IUPUI is an option, I feel it is the "safe" option that some want me to take; however, I have received no scholarship offers and it is a very regional, Midwest school that can't offer me the same type of international human rights law practice as New England (or other schools on the East Coast can).

So now that I have made a pretty solid decision about which school I am now posed with other decisions that I must make (and fairly quickly).

• Where am I going to live? 
• Roommate or not? 
• Am I going to take the cats with me or find them a new home? 
• Keep my car or get rid of it? 
• Am I really prepared to move 16 hours away by car? 
• What am I going to do with my house? (Looks like I will have to rent it)
• Am I really ready to do this? 
• How will I be able to afford giving up my career and be able to support myself in law school? 
• How will I feel missing out on spending time with my niece and nephew? 

The list could go on, but I think you get the point...Taking the LSAT and applying for law school was tough. Waiting for acceptance letters was a bit tougher, but not the really hard work is just getting started.

I am excited, nervous, sad, anxious, giddy, proud, and worried all at the same time. I truly feel law school is where I need to be, but the more time that passes, the most I start to question my choices. Did I apply to the right schools? Am I making the right choice? Should I save my seat at IUPUI in case I change my mind? What if I decide to go to Boston and don't like it there?

A couple months ago, I felt I had all the answers and was sure about things, but then people in my inner circle have started to question me on things that I wasn't worried about and now I am. Now, I am starting to wonder whether I should take the "safe" choice and stay here at IUPUI, or if I should take the "choice less traveled" and go to Boston.  Those around me are providing me with mixed reviews, and I know it should come down to what I want, but I feel like no matter what choice I pick I am taking a gamble and letting someone down.

I feel like I have something to prove, not just to others, but also to myself. For the better part of the last 11 years, I have lived my life trying to please others and be there for them. I got into Arizona State University on a nearly full-ride scholarship. I couldn't wait to go! Then I met my ex fiance (then my boyfriend) the spring before I left for college. I gave up ASU to move back to "safe" Purdue to be with him and start our lives.  I wanted to go law school, but didn't get into an Indiana school, so once again I stayed with him and gave up my dream. Yes, I got to stay close to my family and friends, but I struggled to find a job and ended up going to graduate school. I loved graduate school and though surely after I finished, I would get married, find a great job I loved, and start a family. NOPE. I got dumped just before the end of school, barely made it to graduation, and my life started to spiral downward for a while.

I bounced around to a couple of jobs, but nothing I truly wanted to do for the rest of my life. I took a small leap of faith and moved to Indy for a job, but I have been stuck in the same position for almost 4 years and feel like I am going nowhere and largely unappreciated for what I do. Indy is still a "safe" choice because I've barely moved outside my comfort zone from home.  I always seem to venture away for a bit, but never too far for too long.

Last year, I decided to be bold and try law school, which had always been a dream of mine, one that I put off because I wanted to be everything to everyone around me, except the best me I could be to myself. I was so sure that moving out of state would help, but now the "debbie downers" and "negative nancies" are starting to get into my head making me question my boldness to leave. I just feel like certain people are waiting for "the other shoe to drop" hoping that I  will either fail or give up and move back here.  I feel like they are losing confidence in my ability and drive to do whatever I want.  They say they are happy for me, but I kept help feeling that there is always a "but..." That's great, honey, "but have you thought about this..." Sure, the scholarship money is great, "but it will cost you more to do this, this, and this." Ugh!!!

So for now, I am hoping to head to Boston in the fall and even taking a road trip out there in a couple weeks. I just hope that I can continue to keep my strength of conviction and that others will eventually get on the bandwagon fully.  I really need to know that I am supported and could use some encouragement to know that I am doing the right thing, going to the right school, and that I will be able to do well while I'm there.

A Fresh Start

So, as many of you know, it has been some time since I have posted on this blog. I have been debating for some time now if I was going to start back up with it or not, but after quite a bit of thinking, I decided that I wanted to get back to what made me happy and that is writing about people, events, and things that influence my life. While I am a unique individual, I know that others share similar experiences, but don't actually "share" what they are going through. I want to share what is going on in my life to perhaps help someone else who might be going through similar experiences but not know what to do.

There have been a tremendous amount of changes in my life since my last blog post, the two most important being that I am going to law school and have selected my school choice and that I have adapted my diet to a gluten free one due to health reasons. Both of these experiences have drastically changed the course of my life path, and the things I endure on a day-to-day basis have greatly impacted my outlook on life.

While I am not going to post too much on this first of many to come posts, I wanted to let you know that I will continue to use this blog to keep updating you on my main life updates and other musings, and I have started a second blog to follow my gluten free living experiences (and experiments).  You can follow my gluten free journey at TheGlutenFreeGoddessinaGlutenWorld.blogspot.com. It is still under construction, but look for some posts really soon.

Thank you all for your continued love and support! I would not be where I am in my life without you.

Pondering the likelihood of Celiac Disease

Over the past few months, I have noticed that I have been feeling more tired and less myself.  For those who know me I have struggled with many health issues over the years, but it seemed like I was on a turning point where at least things had become manageable. I had gotten off most of medications, was able to control many of my symptoms through changing my diet, and have worked to try to relieve stress in my life.

On any given day, I deal with chronic pain from my fibromyalgia, heart arrhythmia issues, and circulation issues that cause me to fluctuate between being severely cold or having hot flashes.  Definitely over the last couple of years, but especially the past 3-4 months, I have noticed that my energy level has dropped dramatically, I've had a hard time losing weight despite a decreased appetite, I feel completely fatigued no matter how much sleep I get, and have been having a lot of digestive issues.

After months of tests, new medications, and speculation, my doctor has narrowed things down to me having IBS or Celiac Disease.   For those that don't know about Celiac, here is a great website with lots of information: http://www.celiac.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6&Itemid=25.  While I don't want either diagnosis to be true, I have to admit that I am ready for my doctor to figure out what is wrong with me so I can treat it and get back to a healthier life.

While researching Celiac Disease, I have to admit that I have been presenting with many of the symptoms that are commonly found in people with this disease.  My vitamin K deficiency that my doctor has been treating me for since July is definitely one of them.  Additionally, people with other autoimmune diseases like fibromyalgia and Raynaud's, both of which I have suffered from for years, are more likely to develop Celiac in their lifetime.  So, while I don't like to always self-diagnose, it's really hard to deny the possibility that I may very well be suffering from this disease.

Sadly, the scary part is not the fact that I may have Celiac Disease; it's the fact that if do have it, my lifestyle as I know it will have to change dramatically.  People with Celiac Disease have to go on strict gluten free diets, and anyone who knows me well can tell you that will be a tough adjustment for me since I love Italian food, my whole wheat bread, and I love to bake.

In the past, I have used the Atkins diet to lose weight, and I was extremely successful both times.  I felt great on that diet and would lose like 5lbs a week. So, it does make sense that I could be suffering from Celiac Disease considering my past history with the Atkins diet meal plan.  Part of the reason I didn't last on Atkins, though, was the fact that I missed whole wheat bread and being able to have Italian food.

If I do have this disease, I will have no choice but to go on a gluten-free diet.  To not do so will only continue to jeopardize my health even further, but it is a scary thought right now. I want to get healthier and lose weight so I can feel normal again (well, normal for me), but having to make such and adjustment is going to really difficult.

Does anyone have any advice?  Are you on a gluten-free diet (maybe for food allergies) or know someone who is? I would really like to hear how they manage.  I know there are lots of new gluten-free products out there, but are they really that great tasting?  How do you deal with eating out at restaurants or other people's homes?

What is the price of companionship?

Like many things in my life, including blogging, I have taken a hiatus on dating until recently.  After more than 18 months of trying to dip my feet in the dating pool, I just felt like I was finding all the wrong men and wasting my time.  So, I decided to take a 6-month hiatus and focus on my career, planning for law school, and trying to decrease the level of drama in my life.

That seemed to work...at least for a while.

Within the last month, my career has changed and my law school applications are coming along.  With so many great changes happening in my life, I thought maybe it was time to start dating again.  I decided to reactivate some of my online dating website accounts and have been looking for other possible dating outlets.

In just these last two weeks, I've had dozens of men contact me, mostly on one dating website, who say they are looking for someone to date, yet within the first or second conversation bring up sex.  WTH?? Really?

I know that I am no angel and definitely have been one to play around in the past, but what on earth gives these guys the idea that I want nothing but sex?  Why put yourself up on a dating website saying you are looking for someone to date and/or have a relationship with, but yet that's not what you are really looking for?  I mean if all you want is a hook-up, use Craig's List or Plenty of Fish like most people do.

I just don't get it...What is it about my profile and/or my profile pictures that is suggesting to these men that I am a sex object? I am completely baffled at their behavior.

Because of all of this craziness, I resorted to even digging into past encounters with guys I've been with over the last couple of years, and this is what I found out:

• I'm too "strong".
• Strength can bee seen as a weakness. 
• I'm too open. 
• I'm sweet, but that's overshadowed by my "strength". 

Basically, my personality is why I am having trouble finding men who want to date.  Apparently, they want strong women in the bedroom, but not as their partner.  What I am still not sure about is how men are figuring this out from a profile and maybe a couple photos....

So, after assessing what I've been told, I have come to a couple conclusions:

1. I can stay true to who I am and what I want and risk being alone for the rest of my life.
2. I can cave and pretend to be someone I'm not and maybe find a man who can see me as someone he wants to spend his life with (albeit our relationship would be based on a lie). 
3. I can move to a new part of the country or the world and hope that I can meet someone else while simultaneously throwing away my career and possibly my law school prospects (although maybe going out of state for law school could kill two birds with one stone). 
4. I can compromise my principles about what I want in a relationship and find a nice guy that  I can spend time with now and bide my time until/if someone else comes along that I think might be relationship material. 

I have no idea what the right answer is at this point anymore.  All I know is that I have basically been doing the same thing off and on for about two years, and I feel like I've made very little progress, if any.  In fact, I feel like I have slid back a bit in my dating life.

I am just tired of being lonely and not having someone to spend time with.  It would be nice to have someone to go out with, take to events, cuddle up with, and yes, spend some quality night time with.  I guess it begs the question: at what point do you compromise your principles for the sake of companionship?  And if you do compromise, what is the cost to your emotional and mental states?

Memories...Oh the memories!

It's funny how you sometimes forget great moments in your life until you are reminded of them as you organize your life.  Since graduating high school, I have been to two colleges, moved nine times, stored items at Mom and Dad's over the years, purged several times during moves, and yet I still find myself facing boxes of my past that I have no idea what to do with.

What are you supposed to do with boxes of old photos, gifts, and miscellaneous items that have been a part of your life in one way or another? At what point do you decide that you no longer keep these items? Why is it so sad and heartbreaking to put these items in the trash knowing I will never see them again, yet they have been stored in boxes at least two years or more without me seeing them?

I guess life is funny like that.  Deep down you know you've done some amazing things, had nights with friends that you will never forget, and had relationships with people you truly cared about and shaped the person you are today, but yet there is still a part of you that gets nostalgic at the mere sight of these objects.

This past weekend I put together bookshelves, started to organize and clean out the bedrooms, and began the process of unpacking the final boxes from my garage in anticipation of my friend moving in soon. While I had another great friend helping me out with some of the "heavy lifting," there are just some things that I had to do myself, the least of which includes going through boxes of old photos and mementos I've held onto throughout my life.

Certain items like 4-H ribbons and academic awards and trophies from high school are things I've now realized I don't need to hold onto anymore. I know I excelled at these things, and I don't need these items cluttering up my house to tell me how successful I was. Just knowing I accomplished these awards is enough for me. Not to mention, how would I hold onto them? Keep them in a box for eternity or make an award wall (which is tacky)?

Other items like photos from high school dances and those capturing the almost six years I was with my ex fiance are harder to let go of.  When I think about the fact that these photos captured really happy times during my life, I don't want to let them go.  But at the same time, some of these photos also  represent painful, bittersweet memories because they show friendships and relationships that I no longer have, but wish I did.  I've tried over the years to get rid of them but haven't been able to bring myself to do it, and honestly, I am not sure I'm ready to do so now.

It's now been two days since I started the whole process, and I still have at least half a dozen boxes that I have finished unpacking, my living is temporarily a hot mess, and I have a stack of photos and mementos that I can't decide what to do with.  Why is this so difficult?

I know eventually I will have to get rid of much of what I have still left in boxes, but I think for the time being, some of it will stay.  It's just not time for some them to take a ride on the Waste Management truck yet...

When Will People Get Their Priorities Straight?

As much as I love a good discussion/debate, I have to admit that I am a bit saddened at the mere fact that I even have to write this blog. Maybe some of you won't agree with me, and that's all well and good, but after everything I've been hearing and reading the last couple of weeks, I felt it was time to speak up and say something.

All I see/hear much any more on the news, my friends' Facebook posts, and even in conversation at work are complaints about how awful our government is, how crappy our educational system has gotten, how outraged everyone is at the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial, etc. Complaints...that's it. No words of encouragement...no plausible solutions.

People just seem content to talk about how bad things have gotten or how they would have done it differently, but yet I rarely see anyone do anything more than talk. Not to mention, a lot of discussion around these topics (and many others) is regurgitated political rhetoric at best.  I will be the first to admit that there are people on both sides of the proverbial "aisle" who do nothing but spout the party line and post and re-post items that are just political soundbites. But I know we can do better than this...I have to believe we can.

Not to totally rehash a previous post (March 1st - "The Real Reasons Our Society is Falling Apart"), but I feel that several main premises need to be restated:

1. Everyone is so willing to complain, but few are willing to offer solutions. 
2. Until an issue affects someone directly, few are willing to fight for it even if it's important. [The exception to this rule occurs in cases where my additional premise #1 (below) applies.]
3. Hate is too often replacing love as a family value. 
4. People are getting caught up with the short-term that they completely overlook the long-term effects. 

To these I would add:

1. Media sensationalism has caused people to lose all sense of propriety and common sense. 
2. Our country has lost its sense of community and what it means to be a part of one. 

Why have we as a society become so engrossed in what the national and international media outlets deem as worthy news? Yes, we do need to rely on outside sources to help us stay connected in many senses with what's going on around the world, but too many of these outlets have veered toward sensationalism instead of responsible journalism.  A perfect case would be the Casey Anthony trial.

By no means do I want to belittle the death of an innocent two-year old girl or downplay the tragedy that her family and that community has suffered as a result of her death and the trial (and subsequent acquittal) of her mother as her murderer.  But why is THIS story so compelling that people have flown in around from all parts of the country to visit the site of where Caylee's body was found, have stood in line for days to get a "ticket" for a seat in the courtroom, and have literally caused people to be so outraged that they blast on their Facebook profiles for days about the verdict like it their child or someone close to them who was killed??? 

To me, this is pure insanity. It is one child who unfortunately had her life cut so tragically short. But is is ONE child. It is ONE story. Where is the moral and public outrage for the THOUSANDS of children that go missing or are killed in this country every year? Why aren't their stories given the same amount of attention? 

What about the senseless murders of adults that occur on a daily basis? What about my classmate's brother who was murdered just last week and left behind two young sons? Are the people of Florida, California, Tennessee, Maine, etc. going to come here and visit the site where his body was found? Are they going to sit in court every day to make sure that his killers are tried and convicted? I feel safe to say that they won't.  People in his hometown aren't even giving his tragic story the attention it deserves. I just don't get it...

Where are everyone's priorities? What happened to us as a community uplifting everyone and being there to comfort each other in times of need? When did something like a tragic death become a box office production complete with tickets to the front row?  It is sick, and the people who feed into it need help. 

Furthermore, when did we as a society start taking pleasure in watching and pursuing the misery of others? I know we are all guilty at one point in time of wishing bad karma on people who have done us wrong. I will be the first to admit I have felt that way before, even here recently. I think it's natural to feel that way from time to time, but the level at which our media and many groups in our society have taken it is unhealthy. 

In the end, what does all of this accomplish? NOTHING. In the end, this poor child is dead, her family is wrecked beyond belief, and in six months these people who have dedicated their "lives" to this story and the cause will have moved on to the next big headline until Barbara Walters or Katie Couric does a story looking back at the life and trial of Casey Anthony or until the Lifetime Movie Network creates a "based on a true story" movie about the entire situation like they've done every other major headline and trial for the couple of decades.

Instead of pouring your hearts and souls into expressing your moral outrage through your blog posts, Facebook updates, calling into TV and radio shows, and creating events like "porch lights for Caylee", why don't you actually try doing something productive that will help a child now or make things better down the road for future children?  Examples could include working with your state legislature to create tougher laws against child abusers and wife beaters, helping to mentor at-risk youth to show them good role models to aspire to be like, volunteer at a domestic violence shelter, volunteer to be a CASA advocate, join your neighborhood watch to help create safer neighborhoods, help work with authorities to stop child trafficking and find missing children/teens/at risk adults, etc.  Unfortunately, the opportunities are endless, yet so greatly needed. 

Besides trying to raise awareness of this situation, what am I doing?  Well, for starters, I have donated to many organizations who work to better the lives of at risk women and children. I have also worked with legislators to improve laws protecting people from abuse and increasing punishment for the abusers. On a personal note, I have worked for years to help a dear friend and her children out of a very tough situation and will continue to do so as long as it takes for them to be safe and have healthy, happy lives.  Finally, I am going back to law school to get a degree that will help me to assist more people in need of protection and a hand up. I want to be the type of lawyer who protects those without a voice. Maybe one day I can work for UNICEF or the UN to help women, children, and communities worldwide, but for now, I want to make a difference in my community and help as many as I can here.  

It's time for us to stop talking about making a difference and do it. I challenge each of you to do one thing this year that will make a real difference in the life or lives of those in need.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Mohandas Gandhi