Lately, I've been hearing a lot of women saying, "chivalry is dead." Is it really dead or have we as women become accustomed to a different type of chivalry? What does chivalry mean these days?
These were some questions that popped into my head this weekend as I was on a date (I know, I know...). The guy who picked me up was quite a gentleman. Instead of bringing flowers or candy, he brought treats for my cats. He opened the car door for me. When we got to the museum, he opened all the doors and even pulled out my chair for me when we grab lunch in the museum cafe. He hung my coat up in the coat check and would even walk behind me when we toured all of the galleries. As we were leaving he even held my coat out for me to put on.
I have to admit that I was a little thrown off guard when he opened the car door for me and definitely looked shell-shocked when he pulled out my chair and helped me put on my coat. I could tell that by my reaction he seemed a bit content that I was in a bit of a state of shock to have a guy do this for me. I think it pleased him, but at the same time it looked like he was trying to figure out if I enjoyed it or was turned off by it.
I feel bad for guy these days. I will be the first to admit that I tend to forget that many guys like to open doors for women, help them with their chairs, among other things. But with the passing of generations, some women have gotten it in their heads that they don't need to have these things done and in fact, it is an insult to them because it gives the appearance they can't do things for themselves. I tend to forget this when I'm on dates and just walk to doors to open them without giving my date a chance to do it for me.
As a feminist, I agree that there were certain things that men used to do for women that made us feel like less than equals. They would speak for us (even though quite often we didn't agree), they would vote for us (until we won that right), they would order food for us at dinner (sometimes not what we wanted), etc. These actions overshadowed what chivalry truly was meant to be: honor, valor, and respect. And so with changes in women's rights and the ability of women to take care of themselves and their families, modern day chivalry has changed...in what little existence it still has.
On my way home from work on Tuesday, I was listening to a talk radio show that was discussing this topic, specifically whether it is chivalrous or chauvinistic to have a guy order dinner for you (not in the sense that he doesn't ask your input, but presents what you want to the waitress/waiter). So, after listening to that discussion, it got me thinking more about my date on Sunday and chivalry in general.
Is chivalry truly dead?
If it's not, why don't we hear about it anymore?
Do women just not recognize certain gestures as being chivalrous?
Are guys afraid of showing they are chivalrous for fear of turning women off, or do they simply not know how to be chivalrous?
Deep down, I think a lot of women would like to find a man to do these things for us, not because we can't do them for ourselves, but because they are a sign of romance and respect, two things that seem to be lacking and/or disappearing in relationships nowadays.
Even as a feminist, I still would like for a man to attempt being chivalrous, although it's not an expectation. It's nice to have someone open doors for me, help me with my coat, pull out my chair, walk with his hand on the small of my back. Does this make me the "damsel in distress"? No. Does it make me a hopeless romantic? Maybe. Does wanting these things mean I support chauvinistic behavior from men? HELL NO.
What do you think? Is chivalry dead or have women just scared it into hiding?
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