Monday as you read started out how I figured it would (a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy I guess), and today didn't fare much better.
Per last night's post, my sleep was crap on Sunday and carried into yesterday. Well, once again, the previous night's sleep has turned today's sleep into a train wreck. After my long nap, I couldn't get back to sleep, and then I fell asleep and could barely wake up this morning. I overslept, and my day has been off ever since.
Every hour that went by I felt more and more behind (which is how I usually feel at my job). I worked from home for a little bit this morning and then felt a sense of urgency to get into the office to work on a few projects. With each hour that passed, I began to feel a little more anxious about getting things accomplished, but on my drive into work, something shifted.
Shifted. Changed. Flipped. Broke.
I am not sure what happened or why at that moment it happened, but all of a sudden I felt calm. I told myself to stop worrying about getting to the office. I would get there when I got there. I no longer was going to let the demands of this job upset me. At once, I was both relieved and disappointed. Why is that?
This feeling felt so familiar. It's something that is unmistakable. It is exactly what happened to me when my whole world came crashing down on me when both of my exes left me and broke my heart. When my heart broke, I consumed my whole life with trying to figure out what I did wrong, clamoring for any hope that I might be able to repair our relationship because I wasn't ready to let it go. And when I finally realized how utterly heart-broken, betrayed, and hurt I was because of the way they treated me after all I gave to that relationship, something shifted. I was no longer hurt and angry, I was pissed mixed in with a little apathetic and just overall DONE!
I have finally hit rock bottom with my work relationship. I will still do what I need to do for my job because I am not a quitter and can never feel good about not at least giving 110% to my work, but I am no longer going to be living my life to work. I am done with this relationship, and I plan to break up with it when the time is right. My heart is not in it anymore.
Wednesday needs to be better because I do not want to have to title tomorrow's blog: Worse Wednesday. Lol.
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