Last night I hosted another stimulating game night with my friends (love you crazy wacky people!), and we got to talking about my blog. Apparently, some of my blogs are a bit verbose, and their sheer length has been a deterrent for fully staying apprised of my ever-fascinating life. Lol.
After providing a very scintillating recap of some of the recent blogs in person to my "loyal" followers, it was suggested that I should consider podcasting my blogs. Personally, I have always fancied myself as a better writing and public speaker, but I've never been one for much of the podcasting and YouTube genres. Honestly, I have never tried podcasting, so I am not really sure how to go about doing that with my blogs.
My lovely friend, Danielle, pointed out that I am quite funny with my delivery of my stories in person and sometimes that doesn't translate as well when I blog about them (although I think some of my blogs lately like "My Vajayjay Wants to Scream!" were pretty damn funny). Maybe there is something to this, though...
There was also a suggestion that I should add in some funny commentary like a dramatic reading of my vagina's story with a "voiceover". Lol. You don't even want to know about the discussion that was had over what actress/celebrity we should have do the voice my vajayjay!!
What do you think? Should I add a podcast reading of my blogs to future blogs and maybe even go back and add in podcast readings of my past blogs? What other fun elements would you like to see added to my blog? Please feel free to post suggestions below.
Don't forget I am trying to achieve world domination one blog at a time, so please forward this blog to any friends that you think would enjoy it! Just make sure to keep my "super secret identity" a secret. :) You know how nosey some people can be, and my nemeses will stop at nothing to find ways to bring me down and foil my plan.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
My Vajayjay Wants to Scream!
Ok, so for those of you who don't know already, I have battled with cervical dysplagia (aka pre-cervical cancer) for almost 5 years now. Well, back in August I was told that my dysplagia was back (AGAIN) and that I should come in for a colposcopy (aka biopsy with NO anesthetic). Well, I don't know about you, but the fact that I have been getting no less than 3 pap smears a year and have had 4 colposcopies and 1 LEEP (aka surgery with a an electric "cheese slicer"-looking thing that cuts out sections of the cervix while you are awake and only get a shot of epinephrine as a numbing agent - or 2 in my case- which is not good for someone with a heart arrhythmia), I wasn't exactly thrilled about going in for another biopsy. I talked with the doctor and asked if I could put it off because in all honestly, I was tired of having my vajayjay poked, prodded, cut up, and pissed off. He said ok, and we waited.
Well, then I got pregnant (yes, you are reading this correctly). This is the first time I'm publicly acknowledging it because it's been a very tough couple of months, and I'm finally at a point where I feel I need to share my story, if not for my own cathartic release, then maybe for someone else who is dealing with a similar situation. Only a select few knew I was pregnant at the time because this was not a planned pregnancy, nor a wanted pregnancy by my partner. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy and in fact, used our "relationship" as leverage to convince me that I shouldn't have this baby. When I chose to have the baby, he abandoned me, and in the end, I lost the baby.
So between my past history, the pregnancy, losing the baby, my severe post-miscarriage bleeding, the infection I got, and everything else under the sun, the doctor told me I could no longer wait on the biopsy. They had strong concerns about everything and wanted me in as soon as possible, and today was that day.
Let me just tell you, if you have never had this procedure done before, it is a tough experience to describe. Now, I know women who have had this and said it's almost as bad as natural child birth, but I am not sure I would go that far...It is awful for sure, and the thought of having to sit in the stirrups and go through this immediately caused my vagina to close up and put out a sign that says "closed for the holidays".
For the guys who don't have a lovely womb like us women, let me put it in a way that you can understand it. It's pretty close to having a catheter inserted in your penis, sliding a little metal pippet with a claw at the end up the catheter and taking out tiny pieces of your prostate with absolutely NO numbing agents or pain killers. Sounds delightful, doesn't it? Now, trying having one of these things every 6-9 months like clockwork and try to tell me that women can't take pain like men can!
Ok, now back to today's story...
So, as if the biopsy wasn't enough, I also had some other issues to deal with, and the doctor and I played the game of "spin the wheel" for what tests we were going to throw in on top of the lovely biopsy. First, I had to take another pregnancy test because my hormone levels were still coming back funky after the miscarriage. He wanted to make sure that even though I've had 2 blood tests and an ultrasound that I wasn't still harboring unwanted pregnancy tissue. Thank goodness that was negative. One problem down!
Then, he wanted to check out a mole on my leg that didn't look so hot to me. Thankfully, he decided not to remove it (for now), but I have to keep an eye on it.
Next, he decided to check me for another infection because I told him something wasn't right, and I could tell. I already had one infection from the miscarriage, and I just didn't feel like I really healed. He told me everything looked fine, but would swab and see. Sure enough, he comes back and says "don't ever mess with a woman who knows her body." Damn straight! Although, this was not something I wanted to be right about, so I'm back on antibiotics AGAIN! I have been on 5 different antibiotics since October (aka why I got pregnant in the first place).
Finally, the procedure we were all waiting for...the colposcopy. So, it's never fun to have ducklips (aka speculum) inserted, but thankfully my doctor uses the plastic ones. There are : 1) less heavy and don't pull on you, 2) never cold - nothing worse than cold ducklips that make you tense up more, and 3) pinch less often. I am still not quite healed from my miscarriage and the previous infection, so just even having something like that inside me was painful enough. But using the good ducklips aside, my vajayjay knew what was coming and wanted to scream! She was cursing at me the whole way to the doctor's office and threw a temper tantrum in the waiting room because she knew what was about to happen again.
Honestly, I didn't blame her one bit, and frankly I was not in the greatest of moods either. I even snapped at the receptionist because they wanted me to fill out some stupid piece of paper with my medical history. Really? WTF? I've had like 10 visits there this year alone, and you want me to fill out stupid fucking paper with my medical history. Open the damn chart and take a look...I was just in here two weeks ago. I started to fill it out grudgingly, and then my name was called. The nurse could tell I was annoyed, but tried to explain that they were using a new system and wanted to get all of the proper records in. I gave her "the look", and she said "you know what, why don't you just not fill it out this time. I know what you are here for. When you come in for your 'annual' next year, you can fill it out then." Smart woman...I was literally one question away from murdering someone. Asking someone who is about to have parts of their cervix cut out to fill out a stupid piece of paper is not the brightest idea.
Sparing you all the not so fun details, the procedure went ok, but my vajayjay is still pissed at me. The doctor found two areas he was not liking. One area is a low grade area that he described as having a "krispy kreme texture" and that we will keep an eye on it, but nothing to get overly worried about right now. (By the way, I will never be able to eat a glazed doughnut again). The other area, though, he was a little concerned about. He was cracking a joke about something and before I realized it, he started cutting. Damn...a little warning would have been nice. I know it only lasted about 30 seconds, but for those few seconds I thought he was trying to kill me. After it was all said and done, he had about 6 lovely little pieces to send off to the lab for testing, and I should know the results next week. While he said he saw nothing that (and I quote) "makes me think you are going to drop dead tomorrow from cancer", it doesn't mean that I am in the clear until the results come back. So, now I wait...
...and while I wait I get to enjoy the lovely "phantom cutting feelings" that periodically pop up while I'm doing stuff. My vajayjay is punishing me for making her go through this again by making me relive the experience when she feels like it. Usually, she settles down after a couple days and forgives me. Hopefully, she will get over it quick, or at least the vodka at NYE will make her forget. :)
Moral of the story: I don't like going to the Vajayjay doctor because no matter how much progress I seem to be making, I know that it's a matter of time before the other shoe drops and I will have to come back in for more testing, poking, and prodding; however, I still go! As someone who has seen too many people in my family die from cancer (or almost die), I refuse to let cells go unchecked. Do I enjoy these appointments? Hell no! Are they necessary? Yes! So for those of you who skip their appointments because they don't want to take the time, are scared of the pap smear or prostate/testicle exam, or aren't sure you can afford it, suck it up and do it! And if you can't afford it, there are many places that will work with you for payment plans and/or offer free screenings. If my vajayjay and cervix can go through this crap a few times a year, you can surely drag your ass into the doctor's office once a year and get your annual screening.
Second moral of the story: If you are a woman under the age of 25 or have young daughters, PLEASE get them vaccinated with the HPV vaccine. I got it, but unfortunately, I got it too late. I had already been previously exposed to HPV by my lying, cheating fiance. The doctors and I hoped that the strain I had been exposed to was a benign type that would just go away like most of them do, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and the vaccine proved ineffective for me. You do not want to risk ending up being in my shoes. These procedures are painful, can cost you a lot of money over time, and my ability to have children is clearly being called into question because of my history. Unfortunately, most men will not know that they have HPV because they don't show symptoms, and you can't always rely that your partner has been safe with previous partners and/or won't cheat on you. You have to protect yourself.
Well, then I got pregnant (yes, you are reading this correctly). This is the first time I'm publicly acknowledging it because it's been a very tough couple of months, and I'm finally at a point where I feel I need to share my story, if not for my own cathartic release, then maybe for someone else who is dealing with a similar situation. Only a select few knew I was pregnant at the time because this was not a planned pregnancy, nor a wanted pregnancy by my partner. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy and in fact, used our "relationship" as leverage to convince me that I shouldn't have this baby. When I chose to have the baby, he abandoned me, and in the end, I lost the baby.
So between my past history, the pregnancy, losing the baby, my severe post-miscarriage bleeding, the infection I got, and everything else under the sun, the doctor told me I could no longer wait on the biopsy. They had strong concerns about everything and wanted me in as soon as possible, and today was that day.
Let me just tell you, if you have never had this procedure done before, it is a tough experience to describe. Now, I know women who have had this and said it's almost as bad as natural child birth, but I am not sure I would go that far...It is awful for sure, and the thought of having to sit in the stirrups and go through this immediately caused my vagina to close up and put out a sign that says "closed for the holidays".
For the guys who don't have a lovely womb like us women, let me put it in a way that you can understand it. It's pretty close to having a catheter inserted in your penis, sliding a little metal pippet with a claw at the end up the catheter and taking out tiny pieces of your prostate with absolutely NO numbing agents or pain killers. Sounds delightful, doesn't it? Now, trying having one of these things every 6-9 months like clockwork and try to tell me that women can't take pain like men can!
Ok, now back to today's story...
So, as if the biopsy wasn't enough, I also had some other issues to deal with, and the doctor and I played the game of "spin the wheel" for what tests we were going to throw in on top of the lovely biopsy. First, I had to take another pregnancy test because my hormone levels were still coming back funky after the miscarriage. He wanted to make sure that even though I've had 2 blood tests and an ultrasound that I wasn't still harboring unwanted pregnancy tissue. Thank goodness that was negative. One problem down!
Then, he wanted to check out a mole on my leg that didn't look so hot to me. Thankfully, he decided not to remove it (for now), but I have to keep an eye on it.
Next, he decided to check me for another infection because I told him something wasn't right, and I could tell. I already had one infection from the miscarriage, and I just didn't feel like I really healed. He told me everything looked fine, but would swab and see. Sure enough, he comes back and says "don't ever mess with a woman who knows her body." Damn straight! Although, this was not something I wanted to be right about, so I'm back on antibiotics AGAIN! I have been on 5 different antibiotics since October (aka why I got pregnant in the first place).
Finally, the procedure we were all waiting for...the colposcopy. So, it's never fun to have ducklips (aka speculum) inserted, but thankfully my doctor uses the plastic ones. There are : 1) less heavy and don't pull on you, 2) never cold - nothing worse than cold ducklips that make you tense up more, and 3) pinch less often. I am still not quite healed from my miscarriage and the previous infection, so just even having something like that inside me was painful enough. But using the good ducklips aside, my vajayjay knew what was coming and wanted to scream! She was cursing at me the whole way to the doctor's office and threw a temper tantrum in the waiting room because she knew what was about to happen again.
Honestly, I didn't blame her one bit, and frankly I was not in the greatest of moods either. I even snapped at the receptionist because they wanted me to fill out some stupid piece of paper with my medical history. Really? WTF? I've had like 10 visits there this year alone, and you want me to fill out stupid fucking paper with my medical history. Open the damn chart and take a look...I was just in here two weeks ago. I started to fill it out grudgingly, and then my name was called. The nurse could tell I was annoyed, but tried to explain that they were using a new system and wanted to get all of the proper records in. I gave her "the look", and she said "you know what, why don't you just not fill it out this time. I know what you are here for. When you come in for your 'annual' next year, you can fill it out then." Smart woman...I was literally one question away from murdering someone. Asking someone who is about to have parts of their cervix cut out to fill out a stupid piece of paper is not the brightest idea.
Sparing you all the not so fun details, the procedure went ok, but my vajayjay is still pissed at me. The doctor found two areas he was not liking. One area is a low grade area that he described as having a "krispy kreme texture" and that we will keep an eye on it, but nothing to get overly worried about right now. (By the way, I will never be able to eat a glazed doughnut again). The other area, though, he was a little concerned about. He was cracking a joke about something and before I realized it, he started cutting. Damn...a little warning would have been nice. I know it only lasted about 30 seconds, but for those few seconds I thought he was trying to kill me. After it was all said and done, he had about 6 lovely little pieces to send off to the lab for testing, and I should know the results next week. While he said he saw nothing that (and I quote) "makes me think you are going to drop dead tomorrow from cancer", it doesn't mean that I am in the clear until the results come back. So, now I wait...
...and while I wait I get to enjoy the lovely "phantom cutting feelings" that periodically pop up while I'm doing stuff. My vajayjay is punishing me for making her go through this again by making me relive the experience when she feels like it. Usually, she settles down after a couple days and forgives me. Hopefully, she will get over it quick, or at least the vodka at NYE will make her forget. :)
Moral of the story: I don't like going to the Vajayjay doctor because no matter how much progress I seem to be making, I know that it's a matter of time before the other shoe drops and I will have to come back in for more testing, poking, and prodding; however, I still go! As someone who has seen too many people in my family die from cancer (or almost die), I refuse to let cells go unchecked. Do I enjoy these appointments? Hell no! Are they necessary? Yes! So for those of you who skip their appointments because they don't want to take the time, are scared of the pap smear or prostate/testicle exam, or aren't sure you can afford it, suck it up and do it! And if you can't afford it, there are many places that will work with you for payment plans and/or offer free screenings. If my vajayjay and cervix can go through this crap a few times a year, you can surely drag your ass into the doctor's office once a year and get your annual screening.
Second moral of the story: If you are a woman under the age of 25 or have young daughters, PLEASE get them vaccinated with the HPV vaccine. I got it, but unfortunately, I got it too late. I had already been previously exposed to HPV by my lying, cheating fiance. The doctors and I hoped that the strain I had been exposed to was a benign type that would just go away like most of them do, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and the vaccine proved ineffective for me. You do not want to risk ending up being in my shoes. These procedures are painful, can cost you a lot of money over time, and my ability to have children is clearly being called into question because of my history. Unfortunately, most men will not know that they have HPV because they don't show symptoms, and you can't always rely that your partner has been safe with previous partners and/or won't cheat on you. You have to protect yourself.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back
Ok, so I haven't been posting blogs regularly, and I'm not really sure why I haven't had the motivation to do so. All in all, my days weren't bad, but I definitely have not really been myself. I do have a few confessions to make:
Why is it so hard for me to truly stand on my own two feet and stop comparing myself to what others have in their lives? Is it truly possible for people to not measure their lives up to those around them?
- I went against one of my steadfast rules, and I reactivated my OkCupid account. There are a lot of reasons why I did it, but none of them are good. Lonely. Curious about my ex's account. Wondering if I was even missed. Bored.
- Apparently, I was "missed" and one of the guys I had been talking to before I cancelled the account contacted me and asked me out on a date. Again, breaking one of my rules, I went out with him for dinner and drinks tonight. It went well, but that isn't the point.
- I've been way too lazy on my vacation and haven't gotten even half of what I wanted to accomplished.
- Although I have been trying to eat healthier, I just add the bad soda, snacks, and candy on top of it.
- I have not been working out regularly like I said I was going to. I started out doing it, and just got caught up too much in other things.
- I have been a little depressed more than I like because I am dreading having to go back to work on Monday, and the panic attacks are starting early.
- I've been thinking about working while on vacation, even though I haven't yet really worked. The temptation is growing stronger, and I think I will cave tomorrow.
- Sleeping has been a nightmare lately. I've been falling asleep on the couch at the wee hours of the morning, not getting much sleep during the night, and napping too much. My whole rhythm is thrown off. Why is it that I can only sleep well when I'm seeing someone and sleeping with them in bed? Why can't I learn to sleep well on my own?
- I am finding it hard to truly rejoice in the good news of others when I feel like it should be "my turn". Why am I so petty and jealous right now? Of course, I don't make them feel that way, but while I am giving my congratulations it's hard for me to not feel like I should be the one in the great relationship...I should be the one announcing that I am having a baby.
- I cannot stop thinking about sex...and have been seriously contemplating going back to my old lifestyle because things were just easier that way. Not happier, but easier.
Why is it so hard for me to truly stand on my own two feet and stop comparing myself to what others have in their lives? Is it truly possible for people to not measure their lives up to those around them?
Monday, December 27, 2010
Shopping is My Meditation
I love shopping at strange hours, especially either early in the morning or late at night. Usually when I go that late, I am grocery shopping, but occasionally, I will hit a department store for a mega sale like I did for Black Friday and yesterday for the Day After Christmas.
There is something very relaxing about going shopping late at night when there aren't as many people. I will start on one end of the store looking through home and beauty, the seasonal aisles (yay for after Christmas markdowns!), work through electronics, home and bath, pets, and then on to grocery. I take my time to go up and down each aisle looking to see what's new and what's on sale. Rarely, I go with an agenda, and I like it that way. It makes finding good sales more of a thrill.
Grocery shopping at night has it's benefits. There's rarely a bunch of crazy families yelling at each other, screaming, crying kids being left in aisles by parents annoyed with their behavior, and it's much less crowded. While there still are some people out and about, the crowds are much smaller. Most often, it's a few families, some younger couples out to get last minute items for the week, some single people like me, and the store workers who are restocking shelves and cleaning the floors.
I don't know why but being in the store at this time of night makes me relaxed. I can take my time walking around; I don't feel rushed by the people and carts zooming by me like they do during daytime shopping hours. Listening to the floor buffer compete with the store music as I walk up and down aisles is strangely comforting. I find myself relaxed as I walk through the store, almost in a semi-meditative state. Why is that?
For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed going shopping by myself, although there were a few times I would take someone else along. The experience wasn't quite the same, though. Shopping was "my time." I could spend almost two hours at the store, taking my time to walk down every aisle and check every sale, carefully selecting items for the house and picking out the best fruit and vegetables to eat from the organic bins (when possible).
Sometimes, I just go shopping to walk around and meditate, even if I don't end up buying anything (although it is rare that I will go shopping and not think of something I need to get). Even though I don't have a husband or children to "get away" from for a while, I still feel like this is something that offers me a little bit of peace and quiet in my normally crazy life.
The funny part is that even though I tend to shop during odd hours, I still run into interesting people and see some pretty funny stuff (and it's not always at Wal-Mart haha!):
There is something very relaxing about going shopping late at night when there aren't as many people. I will start on one end of the store looking through home and beauty, the seasonal aisles (yay for after Christmas markdowns!), work through electronics, home and bath, pets, and then on to grocery. I take my time to go up and down each aisle looking to see what's new and what's on sale. Rarely, I go with an agenda, and I like it that way. It makes finding good sales more of a thrill.
Grocery shopping at night has it's benefits. There's rarely a bunch of crazy families yelling at each other, screaming, crying kids being left in aisles by parents annoyed with their behavior, and it's much less crowded. While there still are some people out and about, the crowds are much smaller. Most often, it's a few families, some younger couples out to get last minute items for the week, some single people like me, and the store workers who are restocking shelves and cleaning the floors.
I don't know why but being in the store at this time of night makes me relaxed. I can take my time walking around; I don't feel rushed by the people and carts zooming by me like they do during daytime shopping hours. Listening to the floor buffer compete with the store music as I walk up and down aisles is strangely comforting. I find myself relaxed as I walk through the store, almost in a semi-meditative state. Why is that?
For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed going shopping by myself, although there were a few times I would take someone else along. The experience wasn't quite the same, though. Shopping was "my time." I could spend almost two hours at the store, taking my time to walk down every aisle and check every sale, carefully selecting items for the house and picking out the best fruit and vegetables to eat from the organic bins (when possible).
Sometimes, I just go shopping to walk around and meditate, even if I don't end up buying anything (although it is rare that I will go shopping and not think of something I need to get). Even though I don't have a husband or children to "get away" from for a while, I still feel like this is something that offers me a little bit of peace and quiet in my normally crazy life.
The funny part is that even though I tend to shop during odd hours, I still run into interesting people and see some pretty funny stuff (and it's not always at Wal-Mart haha!):
- I was walking down the shampoo aisle, and a couple of Hispanic men were talking in Spanish about shampoo they were looking at. They saw me, and one of them said to his friend, "Wow, look at her." The friend said, "She has great breasts." Of course, they didn't know I spoke Spanish. I turned and looked at them and said "Gracias". The looks on their faces were priceless! They immediately hurried their cart over into the next aisle.
- Walking down the baking/spice aisle, I saw a young black woman with her toddler who was cute as a button! He was giggling and playing in the cart while she was looking at some spices. Our carts were really close to together, and as I went to pass them, he reached out his arm and grabbed mine. He said "Hi!" and started waving at me with his other hand. His little curls were just bouncing on his head and he wiggled in his seat trying to get closer to me for me to pick up him. I started to laugh and told him he needed to stay where he was. His mom turned around and said she was sorry he was so friendly. I sure didn't mind!
- Last night I was at Meijer and was walking in the grocery section. Toward the back end of the store, they were polishing the floors. The guy who was running the polishing was machine was an older black man, maybe in his 40s or early 50s. He had on some type of Ipod or MP3 player and was definitely grooving to the beat while polishing. He was breaking it down and singing to his music while he was trying to push that big machine around. I don't know if he was truly following a pattern with the polishing, but he was most definitely having fun. This is one that should go on my list of things that make me smile. :)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Every Straight Girl Needs a Gay Best Friend (or Several!!)
I've recently started watching a great new show on the Sundance Channel called "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys," and I have to say that I am falling in love with it! It is such a great celebration of straight women and their gay best friends, and I look forward to this guilty pleasure every week.
Since high school, I have always had several gay friends. Some have popped in and out of my life, but there are those chosen few who have managed to find a special place in my heart. I think the two lists below, which I borrowed from the show's website, absolutely sum up why I love my gay best friends.
Top 10 Reasons Every Straight Girl Needs a Gay Best Friend
http://www.sundancechannel.com/girls-who-like-boys-who-like-boys/
Even during the darkest of times with my dating debacles and with tumultous friendships, my gay friends have always been there. They have fulfilled each and every one of the roles listed above (and then some), although sometimes I think I enjoyed the parades more than they did, especially since I was the co-chair for a pride festival for two years!!
My gay best friends are always there to make me feel better about the opposite sex whenever a mean guy breaks my heart. They make me smile and laugh. They are there to bitch to and always listen, and after I'm done pouring my heart out they always make me feel fabulous about myself in ways that I sometimes I don't feel after similar conversations with my girlfriends (not that I don't love them also). I love going shopping with them and "gossiping" about what's new, who's new, and how great our latest sexual exploits have been. On more than one occasion, they have stood in as the fake boyfriend or the date to a wedding, special function, and just a general "date night."
I LOVE MY GAY BEST FRIENDS! They are some very special people, and I would fight for them and their rights with my last breath (and I have been for years). Once you have found your gay best friend, don't let him go! They are fiercely loyal, great listeners, know how to treat a woman (because they all really do love their mothers), make great confidants and partners, and will bring something special to your life that you didn't know you were missing until you met them. I highly recommend that every straight girl find herself a gay best friend. You're life is so incomplete without one, I promise! I am very blessed because I have so many, including a couple new, younger ones that I absolutely adore!
Since high school, I have always had several gay friends. Some have popped in and out of my life, but there are those chosen few who have managed to find a special place in my heart. I think the two lists below, which I borrowed from the show's website, absolutely sum up why I love my gay best friends.
Top 10 Reasons Every Straight Girl Needs a Gay Best Friend
- Keeps Male Murder Rate Down
- Will Never Steal Your Date
- Girl Friends Are Stressful
- Parades
- If Gay Men Like You, You Are Probably Cool
- They Never Think You Are Mean
- Stupid People Don't Know How Great Gays Are
- Sarah Palin Rallies (LMAO)
- Reality Checks
- Fake Boyfriend
- Girls Make Us Laugh
- Our Mothers Are Girls
- Our Icons Are Girls
- Girls Dance Better
- Sometimes We May Need a Beard
- They Share Our Crushes
- They're Romantics
- Their Bathrooms
- Handbags
- Shoulders to Cry On
http://www.sundancechannel.com/girls-who-like-boys-who-like-boys/
Even during the darkest of times with my dating debacles and with tumultous friendships, my gay friends have always been there. They have fulfilled each and every one of the roles listed above (and then some), although sometimes I think I enjoyed the parades more than they did, especially since I was the co-chair for a pride festival for two years!!
My gay best friends are always there to make me feel better about the opposite sex whenever a mean guy breaks my heart. They make me smile and laugh. They are there to bitch to and always listen, and after I'm done pouring my heart out they always make me feel fabulous about myself in ways that I sometimes I don't feel after similar conversations with my girlfriends (not that I don't love them also). I love going shopping with them and "gossiping" about what's new, who's new, and how great our latest sexual exploits have been. On more than one occasion, they have stood in as the fake boyfriend or the date to a wedding, special function, and just a general "date night."
I LOVE MY GAY BEST FRIENDS! They are some very special people, and I would fight for them and their rights with my last breath (and I have been for years). Once you have found your gay best friend, don't let him go! They are fiercely loyal, great listeners, know how to treat a woman (because they all really do love their mothers), make great confidants and partners, and will bring something special to your life that you didn't know you were missing until you met them. I highly recommend that every straight girl find herself a gay best friend. You're life is so incomplete without one, I promise! I am very blessed because I have so many, including a couple new, younger ones that I absolutely adore!
Love is Like a Slot Machine
Have you ever been to a casino and played the slot machines? You walk into a crowded casino with loud music playing, bright flashing lights, and as many different machines as the eyes can see. It takes you 10 minutes or more just to walk around and check out all of the machines to find one that peaks your interest. You finally decide to sit down and play. You keep inserting money, pulling the lever, and hoping that it will pay off. Sometimes, you can get on a great roll for a while, and you are so excited at your good fortune. Other times, it is one bad slot pull after another, so you change machines and try your luck again (and again and again). Only the truly lucky few will hit the jackpot, and of course, they become both the most hated and envied people in the room.
I don't know about you, but I think that you could change a few words here and there in the paragraph above, and it sounds just like dating and falling in love. We all have braved the dating scene at one point or another. We got all dressed up and braved the bars, pubs, and clubs in search of Mr./Miss Right (aka our slot machine). I know I have switched potential dating partners many times (sometimes even in the same night) trying my luck at finding Mr. Right. I put in a lot of time, effort, and even gave everything I had including my heart, but to no avail. At two points in my life, I thought I was lucky enough to even have hit the jackpot, but in the end, my excitement was short-lived. Instead, my gambling on love has left me completely broke (heart-broken that is).
So why do we all keep gambling on love? It is a risky endeavor, one that quite often does not have a great return on investment. Knowing the odds of finding true love and having our love last for a lifetime are not what they used to be, why do people keep putting themselves out there and trying? Divorce rates are over 50% and knowing what I do know about some married couples, I suspect if everyone who should get a divorce did, that rate would be much higher.
What is it about love that makes it worth the risk?
I know I have touted myself as a hopeless romantic, and in some respects, I think I still I am. I love hearing about love stories that work themselves out. I can't wait to watch a chick flick with a happy ending even if I've already seen it a million times. I want to believe in the ideal of finding your one true love; however, my experience with love has not been kind to me. As much as I try to say that I can overlook all the bad in my relationships and still cherish the good memories, actually executing that statement has been much tougher than I expected it would be.
What I have begun to realize after a lot of reflection on my life in general, my love life specifically, is that much like gambling can be addicting, so can trying to find love. It can consume you and drive you to the edge of your sanity. It makes you say and do things that normally sane people would not do. While sometimes these gestures can be very romantic in nature, other times, it can be the very reason that your relationship falls apart.
While I have loved several men in my life, I have truly only ever "bet the max" with two of them and taken the big risk on love. Both times, I've lost everything, and it sucks when you "zero out." The first time, it took a really long time to build up my "love bank" before I felt secure enough to gamble again. When I was finally ready to take the plunge, I thought I hit the jackpot again, but I was sorely mistaken. Although, I didn't have as much to lose this time as the first, it was still a mighty blow to my ego and to my heart.
So, while I should be trying to apply the old saying that "the third time's the charm," my logical side is screaming "cut your losses while you are still ahead" and "cash out now." I know that one of my "change checklist" items is to truly learn to trust and open my heart to whatever may come my way, but I think I am done gambling. I am so emotionally spent when it comes to romantic love that I have nothing else to gamble with. All of my "machines" have been "cold," and this losing streak is beginning to make me the same.
Instead of wasting my time gambling on love that is clearly not paying out, I should be focusing on more productive ways of spending my time. I could find more time to do things with my niece and nephew, or I could put together more game nights and nights out with my friends. If I even spend half the time that I used to trying to find love in the past on my friends and family now, then maybe my relationships with them will finally get back to what they used to be.
Once again, I need to make some adjustments to my "change checklist" and refocus my efforts. My love life is just no longer a priority. I can live the rest of my life without finding love, but I won't sacrifice my family and friends for it. I've done this for too long already, and it's time that things change. This may also mean sacrificing my chance to have a family of my own, but with current circumstances, having a family is not in the cards at this time either.
I don't know about you, but I think that you could change a few words here and there in the paragraph above, and it sounds just like dating and falling in love. We all have braved the dating scene at one point or another. We got all dressed up and braved the bars, pubs, and clubs in search of Mr./Miss Right (aka our slot machine). I know I have switched potential dating partners many times (sometimes even in the same night) trying my luck at finding Mr. Right. I put in a lot of time, effort, and even gave everything I had including my heart, but to no avail. At two points in my life, I thought I was lucky enough to even have hit the jackpot, but in the end, my excitement was short-lived. Instead, my gambling on love has left me completely broke (heart-broken that is).
So why do we all keep gambling on love? It is a risky endeavor, one that quite often does not have a great return on investment. Knowing the odds of finding true love and having our love last for a lifetime are not what they used to be, why do people keep putting themselves out there and trying? Divorce rates are over 50% and knowing what I do know about some married couples, I suspect if everyone who should get a divorce did, that rate would be much higher.
What is it about love that makes it worth the risk?
I know I have touted myself as a hopeless romantic, and in some respects, I think I still I am. I love hearing about love stories that work themselves out. I can't wait to watch a chick flick with a happy ending even if I've already seen it a million times. I want to believe in the ideal of finding your one true love; however, my experience with love has not been kind to me. As much as I try to say that I can overlook all the bad in my relationships and still cherish the good memories, actually executing that statement has been much tougher than I expected it would be.
What I have begun to realize after a lot of reflection on my life in general, my love life specifically, is that much like gambling can be addicting, so can trying to find love. It can consume you and drive you to the edge of your sanity. It makes you say and do things that normally sane people would not do. While sometimes these gestures can be very romantic in nature, other times, it can be the very reason that your relationship falls apart.
While I have loved several men in my life, I have truly only ever "bet the max" with two of them and taken the big risk on love. Both times, I've lost everything, and it sucks when you "zero out." The first time, it took a really long time to build up my "love bank" before I felt secure enough to gamble again. When I was finally ready to take the plunge, I thought I hit the jackpot again, but I was sorely mistaken. Although, I didn't have as much to lose this time as the first, it was still a mighty blow to my ego and to my heart.
So, while I should be trying to apply the old saying that "the third time's the charm," my logical side is screaming "cut your losses while you are still ahead" and "cash out now." I know that one of my "change checklist" items is to truly learn to trust and open my heart to whatever may come my way, but I think I am done gambling. I am so emotionally spent when it comes to romantic love that I have nothing else to gamble with. All of my "machines" have been "cold," and this losing streak is beginning to make me the same.
Instead of wasting my time gambling on love that is clearly not paying out, I should be focusing on more productive ways of spending my time. I could find more time to do things with my niece and nephew, or I could put together more game nights and nights out with my friends. If I even spend half the time that I used to trying to find love in the past on my friends and family now, then maybe my relationships with them will finally get back to what they used to be.
Once again, I need to make some adjustments to my "change checklist" and refocus my efforts. My love life is just no longer a priority. I can live the rest of my life without finding love, but I won't sacrifice my family and friends for it. I've done this for too long already, and it's time that things change. This may also mean sacrificing my chance to have a family of my own, but with current circumstances, having a family is not in the cards at this time either.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Working to Live or Living to Work?
Ok, so I was a lazy bum yesterday and did almost nothing, including not posting a blog up. Lol. So, I think today I will post two, the first of which is quite an ironic topic: working to live or living to work?
For those of you who have been following my blog, you will remember that one of the items on my "change checklist" is to find a better work-life balance. My current job (and I say job because I don't feel like I can make a true career out of it and be completely content) requires a lot of time in order to do it well. I am not required to work the 70-80 hours a week that I do, but honestly there is so much work to be done that if you don't do it, you just fall behind and keep falling behind. It's sad when we all have the mentality that even though we are on holiday vacation, that almost all of us have made at least one trip into the office, answered our email, and even taken phone calls that are work related. In fact, one of my coworkers said to me when I asked her why she was in the office on her vacation: "you know that even though it's vacation, we have work to do."
We use our vacations to catch up on work, not really what they were meant for. I mean, sure, we do take some time for ourselves and try to avoid doing work, but after a certain period of time, we start to worry about whether we should be checking our email, returning voicemails, or even what projects we would be working on to get "caught up" (because there is never really a point where we are truly caught up...only "less behind").
Granted, I work in non-profit and for many of us our jobs are more than jobs; they are our passion. I most definitely feel this way as I know a few others do. Even though I am passionate about my job and what I do is very personal to me, my family, and the people I help with my work, I am not happy with my current position. I feel like all I do is work or think about work. My life has become consumed by my job, and it's taking a huge toll on me physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
Quite often, we are not appreciated for all of the sacrifices we do and constantly worry that if we fall short this week or this month, we will be let go. This is not a great way to build morale, and as someone who has been at my organization for some time, morale is most definitely lacking at our office and has been for some time. Many of us dread coming to work, and it's sad that a group that used to once get along and enjoy our work have been denigrated to our current state.
Sometimes, I have mini panic attacks late on Sunday evenings at the thought of having to officially go to work Monday mornings because I worked all last week, a good part of Saturday, and most likely spent at least a couple hours work on stuff earlier in the day. I start to feel like I didn't have a weekend to relax, and it's already time to start over again. So, in the midst of my panic, I can't sleep, end up staying up all night and because I'm up all night, what do I do? I work. Why? Because I am never ahead, I'm always just "less behind."
What's worse, is the fact that I am doing a job I can do well, but not something I was actually educated and trained to do. Only a small part of my daily job relates to what I truly want to do with my life, and it's sad that I was grossly overlooked for a position in our organization that I was clearly more qualified to do than the person they hired and would have been my dream career.
Does anyone else feel that they live to work instead of work to live? What has happened with society that we have let our lives fall into this trap? It's no wonder that rates of depression and suicide have skyrocketed. If more people were passionate about their careers, were paid a living wage, and were valued for their contributions, I think more people would have the mentality of working to live instead of the other way around. I know I would.
At the current pace I am going, I have no time to date (should I choose to lift my current ban...next blog will explain), I am constantly missing out on time with family and friends, and I most certainly have no time to be able to even consider starting a family should that opportunity arise. Basically, more than half of my current "change checklist" is contingent upon me finding a better career path in life if I am to succeed at accomplishing it. I think that is a very telling statement about where I currently am in my life...
I am envious of those people who have found their niche in life and are truly happy with their career path. Some have made amazing lives for themselves and are very well off, while others make a mediocre living, but couldn't be happier because they truly enjoy what they do. Well, I want a happy medium. I don't need to be exceedingly wealthy, but I would like to make a living that can sustain my current lifestyle and afford me the ability to be able to have a family (whether I do it on my own or someday with a partner). I want to wake up every morning and be excited about working and go to bed at night relaxed and feeling like I am waiting for someone to wake me up from my dream life.
I know I am not there yet, but I am working really hard to finally reach this goal. I think Thomas Edison put it best when he said: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Well, I haven't had 10,000 jobs yet (although some days it feels that way), but I will keep trying and moving forward until I finally get the one that makes me happy, health, "wealthy", and wise.
For those of you who have been following my blog, you will remember that one of the items on my "change checklist" is to find a better work-life balance. My current job (and I say job because I don't feel like I can make a true career out of it and be completely content) requires a lot of time in order to do it well. I am not required to work the 70-80 hours a week that I do, but honestly there is so much work to be done that if you don't do it, you just fall behind and keep falling behind. It's sad when we all have the mentality that even though we are on holiday vacation, that almost all of us have made at least one trip into the office, answered our email, and even taken phone calls that are work related. In fact, one of my coworkers said to me when I asked her why she was in the office on her vacation: "you know that even though it's vacation, we have work to do."
We use our vacations to catch up on work, not really what they were meant for. I mean, sure, we do take some time for ourselves and try to avoid doing work, but after a certain period of time, we start to worry about whether we should be checking our email, returning voicemails, or even what projects we would be working on to get "caught up" (because there is never really a point where we are truly caught up...only "less behind").
Granted, I work in non-profit and for many of us our jobs are more than jobs; they are our passion. I most definitely feel this way as I know a few others do. Even though I am passionate about my job and what I do is very personal to me, my family, and the people I help with my work, I am not happy with my current position. I feel like all I do is work or think about work. My life has become consumed by my job, and it's taking a huge toll on me physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
Quite often, we are not appreciated for all of the sacrifices we do and constantly worry that if we fall short this week or this month, we will be let go. This is not a great way to build morale, and as someone who has been at my organization for some time, morale is most definitely lacking at our office and has been for some time. Many of us dread coming to work, and it's sad that a group that used to once get along and enjoy our work have been denigrated to our current state.
Sometimes, I have mini panic attacks late on Sunday evenings at the thought of having to officially go to work Monday mornings because I worked all last week, a good part of Saturday, and most likely spent at least a couple hours work on stuff earlier in the day. I start to feel like I didn't have a weekend to relax, and it's already time to start over again. So, in the midst of my panic, I can't sleep, end up staying up all night and because I'm up all night, what do I do? I work. Why? Because I am never ahead, I'm always just "less behind."
What's worse, is the fact that I am doing a job I can do well, but not something I was actually educated and trained to do. Only a small part of my daily job relates to what I truly want to do with my life, and it's sad that I was grossly overlooked for a position in our organization that I was clearly more qualified to do than the person they hired and would have been my dream career.
Does anyone else feel that they live to work instead of work to live? What has happened with society that we have let our lives fall into this trap? It's no wonder that rates of depression and suicide have skyrocketed. If more people were passionate about their careers, were paid a living wage, and were valued for their contributions, I think more people would have the mentality of working to live instead of the other way around. I know I would.
"To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to it, is the key to happiness." ~ John DeweyI believe John Dewey was a very wise man. The problem, however, is that I know what I am "fitted to do," but finding the opportunity to do it has been a bit elusive. I've been toying around with several potential careers that would allow me to do what makes me most happy but in different ways.
- Becoming a teacher/professor of political science/government/public policy.
- Running for political office.
- Working as a non-profit lobbyist.
- Going back to law school and becoming a family law/social justice lawyer.
- Finding a non-profit position as a public policy analyst, grassroots advocacy coordinator, etc.
- Become a professional writer.
At the current pace I am going, I have no time to date (should I choose to lift my current ban...next blog will explain), I am constantly missing out on time with family and friends, and I most certainly have no time to be able to even consider starting a family should that opportunity arise. Basically, more than half of my current "change checklist" is contingent upon me finding a better career path in life if I am to succeed at accomplishing it. I think that is a very telling statement about where I currently am in my life...
I am envious of those people who have found their niche in life and are truly happy with their career path. Some have made amazing lives for themselves and are very well off, while others make a mediocre living, but couldn't be happier because they truly enjoy what they do. Well, I want a happy medium. I don't need to be exceedingly wealthy, but I would like to make a living that can sustain my current lifestyle and afford me the ability to be able to have a family (whether I do it on my own or someday with a partner). I want to wake up every morning and be excited about working and go to bed at night relaxed and feeling like I am waiting for someone to wake me up from my dream life.
I know I am not there yet, but I am working really hard to finally reach this goal. I think Thomas Edison put it best when he said: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Well, I haven't had 10,000 jobs yet (although some days it feels that way), but I will keep trying and moving forward until I finally get the one that makes me happy, health, "wealthy", and wise.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A Political Day in the Neighborhood
Today was an exciting day on many fronts, and definitely had changed my perspective that this year will end on a bad note.
Thinking about these issues and replaying conversations in my head that I've had with a lot of families lately through my job, it has made me stop and contemplate what I'm doing, really doing, to help make my community a better place for myself, my family, children (whenever they will come along), and my neighbors. I've always been involved in some fashion with local issue campaigns, willing to lend my voice and signature to petitions, and have always tried to vote with my conscience on issues of great concern like property tax referendums and other similar issues. I've even helped to coordinate and run political campaigns for candidates that I could stand behind and wanted them to become a legislator that I could believe in.
The truth is that I am not doing as much as I used to do, and I could most definitely be doing more to make a real impact in my community. For years, I've had people tell me how much they respect my views and what a great advocate I am for the people I serve through my job. I am not afraid to be honest about situations, and people respect me for that honesty. I am not just someone who criticizes and offers no solutions; I am willing to put in the work to come up with better solutions to the current situation so that we can improve things where needed and keep what still works.
So...what more can I do? Well, I have been giving serious thought to running for the state legislature in 2012. I have said several times I would never consider running for office because I don't want my life put through a microscope, but the truth is that I think I was born to serve the public and to be an advocate. One of the best ways I can do that is as a legislator because I will actually have power to make things happen and not just talk about what should be done.
With all that has happened lately, I have realized that I am not living up to my true potential and as much as I want to pretend that the political arena offers me nothing good, I finally realized that I am denying my true calling in life. I want to help people better understand their government, how they can be a part of the process, and show them that they don't have to feel helpless as laws are being made that will affect their jobs, families, homes, education, or safety.
I am so fed up with listening to how much time is wasted on debating issues that are so politically polarized that most of the time we end up in a stalemate when it comes to a vote on those issues yet we can barely manage to find enough time to properly address the decline in the quality of education around the state, bringing more jobs to our state and keeping the jobs we have, finding ways to pay and keep our quality educators and first responders, cutting excess government spending (I clip coupons and shop for sales, so why can't the state be more creative?), combating hunger and homelessness, and finding ways to improve health prevention education and services.
There is still a lot of logistics to be figured out surrounding my potential run for the legislature, but it something that I have given a lot of thought to, and I'm committed to pursuing this endeavor. It is both exciting and scary at the same time, but it's a decision that I know I will regret if I don't at least try.
As my first step forward in this journey, I want to ask you: "What do you feel are the most pressing issues that directly impact families right now that state legislatures should be addressing in upcoming sessions?" Please post your thoughts in a comment below. I appreciate your help!
- President Obama finally upheld a campaign promise to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I am happy that this unjust policy has finally been lifted (well at least on paper...the final upheaval won't officially happen for a couple more months).
- Congress passed a bill that would (finally!) provide care for 9/11 first responders. Why this wasn't take care of years ago, I do not understand.
- Unemployment benefits were extended for another 13 months, which I know will come as a great relief for many families in my community.
- Gardasil was approved by the FDA as a preventative tool against anal cancer. It's not a final cure to cancer, but the idea that cervical and anal cancers could potentially be prevented in the first place from a simple vaccine is a major step in the direction of preventing and eliminating cancer as a whole. For more details, visit: http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/22/gardasil-approved-for-anal-cancer/?hpt=T2.
- Germany passed a "pleasure tax" on sex workers to help decrease their budget deficit. Check out this article: http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/12/15/political.circus/index.html. Just imagine the money the U.S. could make off of a tax like that (and I'm not just talking about taxing our politicians)!
Thinking about these issues and replaying conversations in my head that I've had with a lot of families lately through my job, it has made me stop and contemplate what I'm doing, really doing, to help make my community a better place for myself, my family, children (whenever they will come along), and my neighbors. I've always been involved in some fashion with local issue campaigns, willing to lend my voice and signature to petitions, and have always tried to vote with my conscience on issues of great concern like property tax referendums and other similar issues. I've even helped to coordinate and run political campaigns for candidates that I could stand behind and wanted them to become a legislator that I could believe in.
The truth is that I am not doing as much as I used to do, and I could most definitely be doing more to make a real impact in my community. For years, I've had people tell me how much they respect my views and what a great advocate I am for the people I serve through my job. I am not afraid to be honest about situations, and people respect me for that honesty. I am not just someone who criticizes and offers no solutions; I am willing to put in the work to come up with better solutions to the current situation so that we can improve things where needed and keep what still works.
So...what more can I do? Well, I have been giving serious thought to running for the state legislature in 2012. I have said several times I would never consider running for office because I don't want my life put through a microscope, but the truth is that I think I was born to serve the public and to be an advocate. One of the best ways I can do that is as a legislator because I will actually have power to make things happen and not just talk about what should be done.
With all that has happened lately, I have realized that I am not living up to my true potential and as much as I want to pretend that the political arena offers me nothing good, I finally realized that I am denying my true calling in life. I want to help people better understand their government, how they can be a part of the process, and show them that they don't have to feel helpless as laws are being made that will affect their jobs, families, homes, education, or safety.
I am so fed up with listening to how much time is wasted on debating issues that are so politically polarized that most of the time we end up in a stalemate when it comes to a vote on those issues yet we can barely manage to find enough time to properly address the decline in the quality of education around the state, bringing more jobs to our state and keeping the jobs we have, finding ways to pay and keep our quality educators and first responders, cutting excess government spending (I clip coupons and shop for sales, so why can't the state be more creative?), combating hunger and homelessness, and finding ways to improve health prevention education and services.
There is still a lot of logistics to be figured out surrounding my potential run for the legislature, but it something that I have given a lot of thought to, and I'm committed to pursuing this endeavor. It is both exciting and scary at the same time, but it's a decision that I know I will regret if I don't at least try.
As my first step forward in this journey, I want to ask you: "What do you feel are the most pressing issues that directly impact families right now that state legislatures should be addressing in upcoming sessions?" Please post your thoughts in a comment below. I appreciate your help!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Little Things That Make Me Smile (or Laugh)
Today has been a very low key day. I don't know whether it's the cold weather and snow outside, the fact that I had a really bad day yesterday, or just feeling generally blah, but I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything today. In fact, I slept most of the afternoon on the couch, and apparently, I needed it because I was completely out for like 4 hours!
After getting up and making dinner, I decided to check my email, Facebook, and some of the blogs I read regularly. Today, on Single Dad Laughing, he wrote a very poignant post about not being perfect and being mad at himself for some of the things he's done lately. Let me tell you that I can relate, and for many of the reasons he listed I decided to change my life and start this very blog. So, while I definitely don't seek pleasure in the misery of others, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has bad days like this and have others who can relate and commiserate with me.
So all of the yucky feelings aside, I decided to follow yesterday's angry blog with an uplifting one today. It's not a complicated blog and honestly I think that's a perfect fitting for today's mood. Instead of focusing on all of the bad stuff in the world, I thought I would write a list of things that make me smile (or laugh).
Isn't it funny how you can be having a really bad day or just so frustrated with what you are working on, but something happens and it makes you stop and smile, giggle, laugh, etc.? I find myself running into these moments more often lately so I thought I would share a few:
Even if you've not come across anything lately that has made you smile, maybe thinking about some of the ones I've listed above will make you giggle today. :)
Happy Solstice!
XOXO
After getting up and making dinner, I decided to check my email, Facebook, and some of the blogs I read regularly. Today, on Single Dad Laughing, he wrote a very poignant post about not being perfect and being mad at himself for some of the things he's done lately. Let me tell you that I can relate, and for many of the reasons he listed I decided to change my life and start this very blog. So, while I definitely don't seek pleasure in the misery of others, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has bad days like this and have others who can relate and commiserate with me.
So all of the yucky feelings aside, I decided to follow yesterday's angry blog with an uplifting one today. It's not a complicated blog and honestly I think that's a perfect fitting for today's mood. Instead of focusing on all of the bad stuff in the world, I thought I would write a list of things that make me smile (or laugh).
Isn't it funny how you can be having a really bad day or just so frustrated with what you are working on, but something happens and it makes you stop and smile, giggle, laugh, etc.? I find myself running into these moments more often lately so I thought I would share a few:
- Little kitten playing around the tree (which she is not supposed to do), and when I bust her she is rolling all over the ground trying to get the glitter off of her from the tree skirt. As if removing the glitter will somehow convince me she's innocent.
- Buddy and Turkey racing each other to the Yule slide at the Children's Museum.
- Going down the Yule slide with Turkey in my lap. I think I enjoyed it more than her.
- Watching One World, One Sky with Big Bird and Elmo at the Children's Museum. I felt like a kid again.
- Little kitten jumping into my tub not realizing the bath water was still like 3 inches high, scurrying around the tub, and jumping out all wet shaking her paws trying to dry off.
- Watching kids in the neighborhood have a snowball fight and watching one of them biff it and fall flat on his butt while trying to hit his sister with a snowball. Karma...
- Turkey getting crazy excited every time she pulled a new ornament out of the decorations box to put on the tree.
- Buddy telling me how candy canes were effectively "banned" at their house on the tree and learning that he was mistaken. Then watching him tell the same story to his parents at dinner on Sunday and tell them that he really wants candy canes.
- Watching Turkey get all excited when little kitten curled up next to us and she got to pet her. She giggled and started shaking up and down because she couldn't contain herself. Then the kitten jumped down and she goes "bye bye kitty".
- Walking into the kitchen to put my dishes in the sink and finding one of the kittens laying on the towels that I dry off the dishes with as they are trying to soak up the last ounces of sunlight from the day. I'm so mad they are up there, but it's hard to stay mad because they look so cute.
- Watching a bunch of 6 and 7-year olds bowling at a birthday party. I think that explains itself! :)
- Listening to Buddy commentate on every person's bowling score after their turns. It's hilarious to hear him say you almost got a spare after like every other turn. I had like 3 hours of pure fun and giggles!
- Watching Buddy skip down the basketball court at his game and his bronchos at the end of each playing period. I need a video camera every time I'm around that kid!
- Reading comments from my friends on Facebook. I particularly enjoy comments about the adventures of Danger Baby and his mom, Colleen, Flintstone, Punky, and MacGyver, and the many other miscellaneous status posts.
- Rereading my blogs and being so OCD that I have to go back and correct typos.
- Watching the kittens "fight" over who gets to lay closest to mommy.
- Just watching the kittens and their cuteness as they lay on me. I feel bad when I have to move them to do things like um...go pee, eat, and walk around to get the feeling back in my legs. I feel really bad with little kitten mews when I pick her up to move her, but I still laugh because it's cute.
Even if you've not come across anything lately that has made you smile, maybe thinking about some of the ones I've listed above will make you giggle today. :)
Happy Solstice!
XOXO
Sad Story I Had to Share
During my daily browsing of http://www.cnn.com/, I stumbled across this video of a dog mauling a 3 month old infant. It is really sad for all involved. I can't imagine losing a child to a pet that I am sure they also loved like their own children.
As someone who was raised around Dobermans and Rottweilers, it saddens me to see that this happened because Rottweilers generally are very sweet, loving creatures that get a bad rap. It doesn't sound like these dogs were raised in a home that encouraged violence or abuse of these animals, so it's hard to say why this dog attacked the poor innocent child in her swing. I hope through their grief they can figure out what really happened, and if they deem handle the situation in the best way possible so that all of the dogs aren't punished unjustly for what has happened.
My heart and my thoughts go out to this family during this tragic time in their lives. If you have children, make sure to give them an extra hug today.
As someone who was raised around Dobermans and Rottweilers, it saddens me to see that this happened because Rottweilers generally are very sweet, loving creatures that get a bad rap. It doesn't sound like these dogs were raised in a home that encouraged violence or abuse of these animals, so it's hard to say why this dog attacked the poor innocent child in her swing. I hope through their grief they can figure out what really happened, and if they deem handle the situation in the best way possible so that all of the dogs aren't punished unjustly for what has happened.
My heart and my thoughts go out to this family during this tragic time in their lives. If you have children, make sure to give them an extra hug today.
Lying is No Longer the Exception
Ok, let me preface this with the fact that I am about to start a ranting, angry blog. I do not want this to become a regular thing on my blogspace, but I feel so angry and frustrated right now, that I need to let it out. I know I am not the only person who has been in a situation like this or who will be in the future, so I'm hoping it strikes a chord with others who can offer me some advice.
Why is it that relationships are so hard? Why can't people who genuinely care about each other make it work? Well, I may not know all the answers, but what I do know is that so many relationships, potential relationships, and single people jaded against relationships are messed up because of lying and a lack of trust. Lying in a relationship is no longer the exception, it has become the rule.
Whether it's someone lying to you about how much they love you or how much they don't, if they cheated on you or just flirted (which is still cheating), if they spent money when they shouldn't have and told you they didn't, or fill in the blank for whatever lie it is that was told, lying has become commonplace among our relationships. And for those couples that want to say their relationship is great and built on trust, well either you are like the 1% exception or you are just not being honest with yourselves about the lies that are being told (or don't want to be because of what that might mean).
Men and woman are equally guilty in this mess of lies that has become the dating world today. Men and women both cheat on their partners, although men are more likely to do so. When their partners find out about the cheating, they become hurt and distrustful of future partners despite their best efforts not to punish the new partner for an ex's mistake. But because life is about repeating itself, the odds are that a good percentage of future relationships will also end up the same way because of lying and cheating. Trust me, I know. I've been in several great relationships (or so I thought), and every single one of them has ended because of lying and cheating. Yes, I said EVERY one of them. I have not been in one relationship that didn't end up with me finding out that the man I trusted with my life and my heart cheated on me and lied to me while we were together. Yet, somehow I keep putting myself back out there trying to find love, even though it has become much tougher to trust the men I'm with and this insecurity has caused a few issues now and then.
But it's not just about the cheating. Lying about the status of your relationship is just as bad. Why is it that men can tell you they love you, make you think that things are going great with you, and then when you slip up and call them your boyfriend without first discussing it, now all of a sudden, you are being told that things are getting too serious and that love doesn't mean a relationship. WTF? Then, if love doesn't mean that you are serious about a relationship what does it mean? And why did you put yourself on a dating website indicating that you were looking for a long-term relationship if you really had no intention of committing, but only wanted to play the dating pool?
I think seeing someone at least 4 times a week, spending the night at each others' places, talking on a daily basis, spending quality time with your son together, telling me that you love me, having a key to my place, and sharing the things we did qualifies as a relationship whether you are willing to admit it/definite it. You are just scared. Man up and call it what it was, don't deny it because you have commitment issues. And don't try to push it back on me that is was all my thinking and doing. It's a cowardly prick thing to do, and you know it.
The worst part about all of this is the fact that you have the initial cheaters who hurt their partners and "ruin them" in a sense for future relationships. Once their partners have been hurt by their lies and cheating, something breaks inside them. For each person, the effect of such a betrayal is different. Some people hurt for a little while and go back out and are fine until the next time they are betrayed. Others literally break and become distrustful of future partners and can make it impossible for them to truly connect with another person because doing so means letting them in deep enough to get close to their heart, which means they can be hurt again. After being hurt that deeply, the thought that you could be vulnerable to another person again is a scary place to be.
So even if you make to my age without managing to be the one who has lied and cheated in a relationship, you are still screwed because the only people out there that are still single are using the ones who have either caused the issues in the first place or the "ruined" partners who are gun shy about relationships because of course, you are going to be no different than their previous partners. We all have some degree of "ruin" hanging over us as we dive into the trenches of the dating world. I'll be the first to admit that I am cautious of men telling me how much they care about me and trusting that they aren't out there cheating on me while I'm at home thinking about them. It's happened too many times for me to not be cautious, and I guess given my history, my intuition has proved me right every time.
But why do I keep putting myself out there? What's the point anymore? I honestly tried to give up dating for good and had for several years. I resorted to just allowing myself to be a friend with benefits to satisfy my needs, but I couldn't commit emotionally anymore. My ex-fiance broke me in a way I honestly wasn't sure I could fix, yet somehow I was still in love with him. I tried to rationalize it all away, telling myself that I could look past the cheating and the lying because what we had 98% of the time was worth so much more than the 2% that was crappy. I turned myself inside out trying to change myself because obviously something had to be wrong with me because he cheated. I pined away for more than a year, begging and pleading with him to come back and give me another chance, but in the end he decided he liked his life of freedom more than what we had shared together for 6 years. [Ironically, shortly after that decision, he got tied down into a lack of freedom when his party girlfriend got knocked up. Classic karma at its best...]
After 3 years of off and on again celibacy and friends with benefits, I finally decided that I should try to date again. The lifestyle I had been living wasn't healthy mentally or emotionally for me anymore, and it was leading to a self-destructive place in my life that I really didn't want to me. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of great nights and memories and stories that I could tell you that would put Tucker Max to shame, but I was just not enjoying it the way I used to, so I knew it was time to stop.
The idea of dating again was scary, and honestly, I wasn't really sure I should get back into dating. I could barely even say the word "date" without choking up at the thought of what that meant...I would be letting go of what I shared and still wanted with my ex fiance. I would have to start a life over with someone new, someone who wasn't my soul mate and the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I felt stuck in place with one shoe stuck to the ground and the other trying to move forward, but in the end I was just being pulled in two different directions with my heart. I had convinced myself that I wasn't deserving of love from someone other than my fiance. I was too broken to be able to offer anything to anyone, but being alone year in and year out was starting to take a toll on me as well.
To break the stalemate, I posted a couple ads up on dating websites and tested the waters. There were not too many prospects that popped to the front of the pack, so I started give up on the idea quickly. Then someone contacted me and wanted to talk, but I ignored his request for a few weeks because at first I didn't think he would be a good match. He persisted, and I finally gave in. We started dating early in the year and things seemed to go pretty well for a while until I started to notice some things about him that I didn't care for including his sexist jokes, the way he talked to me when we disagreed on things always making me feel like somehow the fault for our arguments rested completely on me, his criticism of what I posted on my AIM statuses, and finally his lack of honesty about wanting to really date and find a long-term partner. So, after about 3 months, I finally decided to call it quits and had moved on to dating a couple other guys, but again, no luck there. The sad part is that I kept thinking about him and had fallen in love with him while we were together, yet once again, I chose to overlook the bad qualities because I saw much more between us. The connection I felt with him was one that I didn't think I could feel again, and that was both a scary and exciting prospect.
A couple months after we split, he came back into my life with an opportunity to get involved with his business. Hesitantly I said yes, but deep down I knew I wanted the opportunity to expand my resume and of course, I still was in love with him. Well, our business partnership flourished while we kept things business only for awhile, but inevitably, we fell back into things with us and next thing I know we are dating again. This time around was so much better and the issues that we seemed to have before didn't appear to be problematic this time, or so I thought. Once again, the commitment issue sprung it's ugly head. Only this time, I got a bit more insight into why.
Of course, when he was married, he had issues with his wife and because of their relationship, he is completely jaded and cynical about relationships. He had even cheated on her when they were together (should have been a red flag for me, but again...I am too forgiving and understanding), yet what ensued with their relationship was her fault and caused him to be cautious of all women. So even though I gave him NO reason to be cautious with me (I mean he had me stay the night with him on our second date and his son was there that night also), he still kept me at arms length when it came to labeling our relationship. As described above, he got ALL of the benefits of a relationship but wouldn't call it what it was. What astounds me is WHY he even started dating in the first place if this is how he was going to approach the relationship...
I am no angel and will never pretend to be otherwise. I know I have my fair share of insecurities about relationships and have caused many an argument over them; however, I have never entered into a dating relationship without the intent of trying to find someone that I can share my life with. But after dating each other for a combined total of 7 months and getting to know each other over the course of a year's time, you should know whether you plan to pursue something serious with the other person. And to carry on a relationship and asking for more time to figure out where things are going is mean. Making me feel bad about caring about him as much as I did and for "pushing" things with us is just downright cruel. THIS IS WHY WOMEN START TO HATE MEN AND MEN RUIN WOMEN FOR THE GOOD MEN IN THE WORLD.
So, of course, all of this came to a major head right when our business efforts were about to pay off, and we had a major argument that pretty much put the nail in the coffin in our relationship. In the end, I got used for his business gain, I sacrificed a major part of myself and who I am for him and his business, and he blamed me for why things went awry. Once again, the fault is all mine because I am the woman in the relationship who as he says "takes everything he says puts it through a filter and processes as I see fit". Well, you know what, I'm not the only one that has seen and heard what he has said to me, and while I know there were things I wanted to believe were true about things with us, this relationship did not fall apart because of me. He was the jerk who led me on, used me, lied to me about what was going on with us, abandoned me when I needed him the most, and oh yeah, apparently was seeing someone else on the side while we were together this second time...and probably the first time, too (found that juicy bit of news out after we stopped seeing each other).
Once again, a relationship that on paper should have been great is once again ruined because of lying, distrust, and betrayal. Surprise, surprise...when are people going to realize that what they do and say has an effect on others? You aren't just hurting that person. You hurt their families who care about them. You hurt their friends who have to console them. You hurt their future partners who will have to learn to overcome their insecurities to see their beauty within and learn to love them or lose out on the chance of having a great relationships because they just could not get past their relationship/commitment issues. THIS IS WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IS OVER 50% AND WHY IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS REALLY CAN LAST A LIFETIME ANYMORE.
Is there really such a thing as true love anymore? Or should we be striving for a 98% love, 75% love, a 50% love? Right now, I really don't know what the answer is. I have always been a hopeless romantic. I want to believe in love, which is why I think it's hard for me to completely give up, but my life experience tells me otherwise. At what point do you finally say, I'm settling for what I really don't want because I can't find anything better out there? When do you finally say, I want to find someone to share my life with and build a family with even if I know that this relationship is flawed? When do you finally sell your soul for an ounce of happiness instead of the lifetime that you wanted?
Why is it that relationships are so hard? Why can't people who genuinely care about each other make it work? Well, I may not know all the answers, but what I do know is that so many relationships, potential relationships, and single people jaded against relationships are messed up because of lying and a lack of trust. Lying in a relationship is no longer the exception, it has become the rule.
Whether it's someone lying to you about how much they love you or how much they don't, if they cheated on you or just flirted (which is still cheating), if they spent money when they shouldn't have and told you they didn't, or fill in the blank for whatever lie it is that was told, lying has become commonplace among our relationships. And for those couples that want to say their relationship is great and built on trust, well either you are like the 1% exception or you are just not being honest with yourselves about the lies that are being told (or don't want to be because of what that might mean).
Men and woman are equally guilty in this mess of lies that has become the dating world today. Men and women both cheat on their partners, although men are more likely to do so. When their partners find out about the cheating, they become hurt and distrustful of future partners despite their best efforts not to punish the new partner for an ex's mistake. But because life is about repeating itself, the odds are that a good percentage of future relationships will also end up the same way because of lying and cheating. Trust me, I know. I've been in several great relationships (or so I thought), and every single one of them has ended because of lying and cheating. Yes, I said EVERY one of them. I have not been in one relationship that didn't end up with me finding out that the man I trusted with my life and my heart cheated on me and lied to me while we were together. Yet, somehow I keep putting myself back out there trying to find love, even though it has become much tougher to trust the men I'm with and this insecurity has caused a few issues now and then.
But it's not just about the cheating. Lying about the status of your relationship is just as bad. Why is it that men can tell you they love you, make you think that things are going great with you, and then when you slip up and call them your boyfriend without first discussing it, now all of a sudden, you are being told that things are getting too serious and that love doesn't mean a relationship. WTF? Then, if love doesn't mean that you are serious about a relationship what does it mean? And why did you put yourself on a dating website indicating that you were looking for a long-term relationship if you really had no intention of committing, but only wanted to play the dating pool?
I think seeing someone at least 4 times a week, spending the night at each others' places, talking on a daily basis, spending quality time with your son together, telling me that you love me, having a key to my place, and sharing the things we did qualifies as a relationship whether you are willing to admit it/definite it. You are just scared. Man up and call it what it was, don't deny it because you have commitment issues. And don't try to push it back on me that is was all my thinking and doing. It's a cowardly prick thing to do, and you know it.
The worst part about all of this is the fact that you have the initial cheaters who hurt their partners and "ruin them" in a sense for future relationships. Once their partners have been hurt by their lies and cheating, something breaks inside them. For each person, the effect of such a betrayal is different. Some people hurt for a little while and go back out and are fine until the next time they are betrayed. Others literally break and become distrustful of future partners and can make it impossible for them to truly connect with another person because doing so means letting them in deep enough to get close to their heart, which means they can be hurt again. After being hurt that deeply, the thought that you could be vulnerable to another person again is a scary place to be.
So even if you make to my age without managing to be the one who has lied and cheated in a relationship, you are still screwed because the only people out there that are still single are using the ones who have either caused the issues in the first place or the "ruined" partners who are gun shy about relationships because of course, you are going to be no different than their previous partners. We all have some degree of "ruin" hanging over us as we dive into the trenches of the dating world. I'll be the first to admit that I am cautious of men telling me how much they care about me and trusting that they aren't out there cheating on me while I'm at home thinking about them. It's happened too many times for me to not be cautious, and I guess given my history, my intuition has proved me right every time.
But why do I keep putting myself out there? What's the point anymore? I honestly tried to give up dating for good and had for several years. I resorted to just allowing myself to be a friend with benefits to satisfy my needs, but I couldn't commit emotionally anymore. My ex-fiance broke me in a way I honestly wasn't sure I could fix, yet somehow I was still in love with him. I tried to rationalize it all away, telling myself that I could look past the cheating and the lying because what we had 98% of the time was worth so much more than the 2% that was crappy. I turned myself inside out trying to change myself because obviously something had to be wrong with me because he cheated. I pined away for more than a year, begging and pleading with him to come back and give me another chance, but in the end he decided he liked his life of freedom more than what we had shared together for 6 years. [Ironically, shortly after that decision, he got tied down into a lack of freedom when his party girlfriend got knocked up. Classic karma at its best...]
After 3 years of off and on again celibacy and friends with benefits, I finally decided that I should try to date again. The lifestyle I had been living wasn't healthy mentally or emotionally for me anymore, and it was leading to a self-destructive place in my life that I really didn't want to me. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of great nights and memories and stories that I could tell you that would put Tucker Max to shame, but I was just not enjoying it the way I used to, so I knew it was time to stop.
The idea of dating again was scary, and honestly, I wasn't really sure I should get back into dating. I could barely even say the word "date" without choking up at the thought of what that meant...I would be letting go of what I shared and still wanted with my ex fiance. I would have to start a life over with someone new, someone who wasn't my soul mate and the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I felt stuck in place with one shoe stuck to the ground and the other trying to move forward, but in the end I was just being pulled in two different directions with my heart. I had convinced myself that I wasn't deserving of love from someone other than my fiance. I was too broken to be able to offer anything to anyone, but being alone year in and year out was starting to take a toll on me as well.
To break the stalemate, I posted a couple ads up on dating websites and tested the waters. There were not too many prospects that popped to the front of the pack, so I started give up on the idea quickly. Then someone contacted me and wanted to talk, but I ignored his request for a few weeks because at first I didn't think he would be a good match. He persisted, and I finally gave in. We started dating early in the year and things seemed to go pretty well for a while until I started to notice some things about him that I didn't care for including his sexist jokes, the way he talked to me when we disagreed on things always making me feel like somehow the fault for our arguments rested completely on me, his criticism of what I posted on my AIM statuses, and finally his lack of honesty about wanting to really date and find a long-term partner. So, after about 3 months, I finally decided to call it quits and had moved on to dating a couple other guys, but again, no luck there. The sad part is that I kept thinking about him and had fallen in love with him while we were together, yet once again, I chose to overlook the bad qualities because I saw much more between us. The connection I felt with him was one that I didn't think I could feel again, and that was both a scary and exciting prospect.
A couple months after we split, he came back into my life with an opportunity to get involved with his business. Hesitantly I said yes, but deep down I knew I wanted the opportunity to expand my resume and of course, I still was in love with him. Well, our business partnership flourished while we kept things business only for awhile, but inevitably, we fell back into things with us and next thing I know we are dating again. This time around was so much better and the issues that we seemed to have before didn't appear to be problematic this time, or so I thought. Once again, the commitment issue sprung it's ugly head. Only this time, I got a bit more insight into why.
Of course, when he was married, he had issues with his wife and because of their relationship, he is completely jaded and cynical about relationships. He had even cheated on her when they were together (should have been a red flag for me, but again...I am too forgiving and understanding), yet what ensued with their relationship was her fault and caused him to be cautious of all women. So even though I gave him NO reason to be cautious with me (I mean he had me stay the night with him on our second date and his son was there that night also), he still kept me at arms length when it came to labeling our relationship. As described above, he got ALL of the benefits of a relationship but wouldn't call it what it was. What astounds me is WHY he even started dating in the first place if this is how he was going to approach the relationship...
I am no angel and will never pretend to be otherwise. I know I have my fair share of insecurities about relationships and have caused many an argument over them; however, I have never entered into a dating relationship without the intent of trying to find someone that I can share my life with. But after dating each other for a combined total of 7 months and getting to know each other over the course of a year's time, you should know whether you plan to pursue something serious with the other person. And to carry on a relationship and asking for more time to figure out where things are going is mean. Making me feel bad about caring about him as much as I did and for "pushing" things with us is just downright cruel. THIS IS WHY WOMEN START TO HATE MEN AND MEN RUIN WOMEN FOR THE GOOD MEN IN THE WORLD.
So, of course, all of this came to a major head right when our business efforts were about to pay off, and we had a major argument that pretty much put the nail in the coffin in our relationship. In the end, I got used for his business gain, I sacrificed a major part of myself and who I am for him and his business, and he blamed me for why things went awry. Once again, the fault is all mine because I am the woman in the relationship who as he says "takes everything he says puts it through a filter and processes as I see fit". Well, you know what, I'm not the only one that has seen and heard what he has said to me, and while I know there were things I wanted to believe were true about things with us, this relationship did not fall apart because of me. He was the jerk who led me on, used me, lied to me about what was going on with us, abandoned me when I needed him the most, and oh yeah, apparently was seeing someone else on the side while we were together this second time...and probably the first time, too (found that juicy bit of news out after we stopped seeing each other).
Once again, a relationship that on paper should have been great is once again ruined because of lying, distrust, and betrayal. Surprise, surprise...when are people going to realize that what they do and say has an effect on others? You aren't just hurting that person. You hurt their families who care about them. You hurt their friends who have to console them. You hurt their future partners who will have to learn to overcome their insecurities to see their beauty within and learn to love them or lose out on the chance of having a great relationships because they just could not get past their relationship/commitment issues. THIS IS WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IS OVER 50% AND WHY IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS REALLY CAN LAST A LIFETIME ANYMORE.
Is there really such a thing as true love anymore? Or should we be striving for a 98% love, 75% love, a 50% love? Right now, I really don't know what the answer is. I have always been a hopeless romantic. I want to believe in love, which is why I think it's hard for me to completely give up, but my life experience tells me otherwise. At what point do you finally say, I'm settling for what I really don't want because I can't find anything better out there? When do you finally say, I want to find someone to share my life with and build a family with even if I know that this relationship is flawed? When do you finally sell your soul for an ounce of happiness instead of the lifetime that you wanted?
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Kiddos Visit (Part II)
"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he[she] grows up."
Pablo Picasso
Today, Buddy, Turkey, and I went to the Children's Museum. We saw dinosaurs, visited Santa's Wonderland, slide down the Yule Slide, and got to see the wonders of the sky with Big Bird and Elmo. We had such a blast, and I hated when we had to leave. It was so much fun to see Buddy and Turkey run around the museum with excitement and joy as we went from exhibit to exhibit. It reminded me of how I used to be when I was there age; I couldn't get enough mental stimulation and knowledge. I was a sponge soaking up everything and wanting more, just like they were today. Why do adults lose that as we get older, and better yet, how do we get it back?
I think the highlight of the day, though, was the One World, One Sky Planetarium show with Big Bird and Elmo. We sat in a small IMAX theater and watched our favorite Sesame Street characters teach us about the sun, the moon, and the stars along with their Chinese friend (whose name I can't remember). I couldn't help but feel like a kid again when the lights went down. Turkey sat in my lap the whole time and every time she got excited, I did, too. Buddy kept pointing our stars and things like he was a pro, and it made me realize just how much he has grown and how smart he truly is for his age. We were all pointing at stars, clapping, singing along with "Twinkle, Twinkle", and just having a blast! I really hated it when the show was over because it was completely worth the price of the admission ticket for the day.
Although I am going to keep today's post short, I have a few highlights and funny moments to share:
- You are never too old to go down a slide on a bean bag mat. :) Having a kid with you only gives you an "excuse" to do it without looking childish or like a creepster in a children's play zone.
- I am starting to think I need to get yearly membership to the museum because one day is just not enough time to see and do everything, and with the cost of daily admission, it would so be worth it.
- Beware of the train exhibit with kids who hate loud noises. We lasted all of like 2 minutes before I had to rush a crying 3-year old out of there. Although once we got just outside the exhibit, she turned and waved to the train and said "bye-bye train" through her sobbing.
- Make sure to avoid automatic flushing toilets for the reason mentioned in #3. Turkey was going potty and moved on the toilet just enough to set off the auto flush, and the next thing I know she leaps off the toilet with pee trailing after her bawling her eyes out in fear. She would not go near the bathroom for the rest of the day and would cry when I made her come in with me. I felt so bad.
- Kids can be so easily amused for cheap! We went to Winter Wonderland, and the kids really wanted a pair of the elf ears that the other kids had. All it took was us going around the Wonderland and filling out a fun game board. Those kids couldn't have been happier with any toy we could have bought in the gift store. I am thinking I need to start making them special hats for coming to visit me...I would be the coolest Aunt ever!
P.S. My sister-in-law came up with a great idea that maybe I should consider writing a series of children's books, entitled The Adventures of Buddy and Turkey, because we have some funny stories that I could share. The idea is definitely intriguing and sounds like a fun, creative project to work on. To be continued...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The Kiddos Visit (Part 1)
Well, this morning started off a bit hurried. Per my previous post, I fell asleep around 2am after getting home from Brittany's birthday party, but I forgot to set my alarm. Luckily, I woke up at 8:40am with just enough time to get ready and get to my nephew's basketball game. From the moment I woke up, I have been moving all day long so it feel goods to be able to have some downtime to myself.
Watching my nephew and his little teammates play basketball was quite the entertainment as are all sports that kids play when they are in elementary school. LOL. It was cute watching them try to dribble the ball up and down the court, trying to pass it to their teammates by basically handing it to them, and watching shot after shot go up in the air but nowhere near the basket. My sister-in-law were cracking up because my nephew would practically skip (not run) down the court and would forget to stay with his "man" while chasing after the ball. At the end of each period, he would turn and count down the seconds on the clock and would do a broncho in celebration. Sometimes I just wish I had a camera to record all of the hilarious things he does.
In talking with Amy, it was neat to find out that the league teaches not only the kids the basics and doesn't penalize them for not dribbling right, traveling, etc. as they learn, but they also encourage the parents and spectators to cheer for both teams as a way of teaching them good sportsmanship. Because as we know some parents need a little reminder that kids are kids, and it really is just a game. I think this is a concept that more people should embrace.
After Buddy's (my nephew) game was over, we "ditched" the parents, and the Kiddos and I came back to my place. But, before we got home, we decided to stop for a little treat and got some Dairy Queen. Yum! It was our "little secret". It's funny how if you tell kids that you are doing something and it's a little secret, you instantly go to the top of their "cool meter". When we got back to my house, we pulled up to find my parents here picking up some chairs that I had borrowed. My nephew comes into the house and says to my mom, "Don't tell mom and dad. It's our little secret." She didn't get it at first until I walked in and she asked me. When I told her that it had to do with the ice cream, she started laughing. I mean that's what Aunties are for - spoiling their nieces and nephews. :)
We ate lunch and watched movies all afternoon while the kids destroyed my house with game pieces, cards, and marbles. All in all, it was a pretty boring afternoon, but our evening was such a blast. After dinner, we put up the Christmas tree and made holiday Rice Krispie treats.
The Kiddos were so excited to put up the tree. All afternoon, "Turkey" (my niece) kept going over to the boxes and kept asking when she could put them up (as in my decorations), so when it came time to actually doing it, she was stoked. First, I put the tree together,and then we took a short pause to make the Rice Krispie treats. Buddy helped to melt the butter, while Turkey poured in the marshmallows and stirred for a bit until she got bored. What was I expecting? I am working with a 6 and 3 year old and trying to compete with Sponge Bob. So, yes, I ended up losing my helpers and making the treats on my own. They did show up to put sprinkles on the tops of the treats, though.
Once we finished making the treats, Buddy helped me to put up the Christmas lights, which we were one strand short, so my tree only has lights 2/3 of the way down. Guess this means I need to go shopping (again) and buy another strand to finish out the tree. Next, we put on the candy canes, and I thought Buddy was going to die of excitement. He said I was so awesome for putting them on my tree because according to him, Mom and Dad wouldn't let them put them up on their tree (which I found out later when I talked with his Mom that this wasn't the case...they simply couldn't find the specific candy canes they wanted so they hadn't put them up yet). Score 1 for Auntie! The best part, however, was putting on the rest of the decorations. Turkey ooohed and aaahhed when I opened the decorations box. We quickly got through the first layer and she said "that's it?" I cracked up because I still had two more layers. I pulled back the first layer to show the second one and she jumped up and down and ran in two quick circles with excitement over more tree decorations. It was the the cutest thing ever!
Although today was most definitely filled with a lot of funny, memorable moments (e.g. broncho kicks at the game, kids flying across my couches, Turkey pooping in her pants and running around with it like it was nothing, making Rice Krispies, watching movies, etc.), decorating my house and Christmas tree with the Kiddos was the best of all. I loved watching their faces as they put up the decorations and hearing Turkey squeal with excitement every time she picked up a new ornament and placed it on the tree. You can't buy moments like these. Today was a day I really wish I had a working camera because I would have loved to take photos of the kids decorating the tree and of them in their cute PJs lounging around the house.
Watching my nephew and his little teammates play basketball was quite the entertainment as are all sports that kids play when they are in elementary school. LOL. It was cute watching them try to dribble the ball up and down the court, trying to pass it to their teammates by basically handing it to them, and watching shot after shot go up in the air but nowhere near the basket. My sister-in-law were cracking up because my nephew would practically skip (not run) down the court and would forget to stay with his "man" while chasing after the ball. At the end of each period, he would turn and count down the seconds on the clock and would do a broncho in celebration. Sometimes I just wish I had a camera to record all of the hilarious things he does.
In talking with Amy, it was neat to find out that the league teaches not only the kids the basics and doesn't penalize them for not dribbling right, traveling, etc. as they learn, but they also encourage the parents and spectators to cheer for both teams as a way of teaching them good sportsmanship. Because as we know some parents need a little reminder that kids are kids, and it really is just a game. I think this is a concept that more people should embrace.
After Buddy's (my nephew) game was over, we "ditched" the parents, and the Kiddos and I came back to my place. But, before we got home, we decided to stop for a little treat and got some Dairy Queen. Yum! It was our "little secret". It's funny how if you tell kids that you are doing something and it's a little secret, you instantly go to the top of their "cool meter". When we got back to my house, we pulled up to find my parents here picking up some chairs that I had borrowed. My nephew comes into the house and says to my mom, "Don't tell mom and dad. It's our little secret." She didn't get it at first until I walked in and she asked me. When I told her that it had to do with the ice cream, she started laughing. I mean that's what Aunties are for - spoiling their nieces and nephews. :)
We ate lunch and watched movies all afternoon while the kids destroyed my house with game pieces, cards, and marbles. All in all, it was a pretty boring afternoon, but our evening was such a blast. After dinner, we put up the Christmas tree and made holiday Rice Krispie treats.
The Kiddos were so excited to put up the tree. All afternoon, "Turkey" (my niece) kept going over to the boxes and kept asking when she could put them up (as in my decorations), so when it came time to actually doing it, she was stoked. First, I put the tree together,and then we took a short pause to make the Rice Krispie treats. Buddy helped to melt the butter, while Turkey poured in the marshmallows and stirred for a bit until she got bored. What was I expecting? I am working with a 6 and 3 year old and trying to compete with Sponge Bob. So, yes, I ended up losing my helpers and making the treats on my own. They did show up to put sprinkles on the tops of the treats, though.
Once we finished making the treats, Buddy helped me to put up the Christmas lights, which we were one strand short, so my tree only has lights 2/3 of the way down. Guess this means I need to go shopping (again) and buy another strand to finish out the tree. Next, we put on the candy canes, and I thought Buddy was going to die of excitement. He said I was so awesome for putting them on my tree because according to him, Mom and Dad wouldn't let them put them up on their tree (which I found out later when I talked with his Mom that this wasn't the case...they simply couldn't find the specific candy canes they wanted so they hadn't put them up yet). Score 1 for Auntie! The best part, however, was putting on the rest of the decorations. Turkey ooohed and aaahhed when I opened the decorations box. We quickly got through the first layer and she said "that's it?" I cracked up because I still had two more layers. I pulled back the first layer to show the second one and she jumped up and down and ran in two quick circles with excitement over more tree decorations. It was the the cutest thing ever!
Although today was most definitely filled with a lot of funny, memorable moments (e.g. broncho kicks at the game, kids flying across my couches, Turkey pooping in her pants and running around with it like it was nothing, making Rice Krispies, watching movies, etc.), decorating my house and Christmas tree with the Kiddos was the best of all. I loved watching their faces as they put up the decorations and hearing Turkey squeal with excitement every time she picked up a new ornament and placed it on the tree. You can't buy moments like these. Today was a day I really wish I had a working camera because I would have loved to take photos of the kids decorating the tree and of them in their cute PJs lounging around the house.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Owls and Unicorns and Sharks, Oh My! (From 12/17/10)
Ok, so this blog is a little late getting posted, but I have a really good excuse...today has been an exceptionally long, but productive day. Oh, and it was my friend's 25th birthday, so we were out celebrating late. It's taken a few minutes to get my mind clear enough to write. HAHA.
So, you are probably curious about the post title. Well, there are really good stories behind it, all from today. First, the owls...So, I've been having a tough time sleeping the last couple days. In fact, I have been solidly awake since 7:30am Thursday morning. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up all night working on stuff for my actual job and knocking a couple of "to do" list items off the list as well. Slowly but surely that list is getting smaller.
Since it's almost 2am Saturday morning now, that means I have been up for 42.5 hours. As I sat up last night, I could help but think that I am such a night owl and actually get more work accomplished during the late hours than I do during daylight hours sometimes. I think at one point in the night, I started to drift off just a bit, which I welcomed, but it didn't quite happen. I did, however, have a brief "daydream" that I was sitting in a relatively quiet, small room with tons of owls perched around me all saying "Whoo". Not sure what that means, but nonetheless, that is house I started my day.
[Ok well, shortly after finishing the last sentence, I fell asleep while typing...guess that 42.5 hours caught up with me, and I've been busy all day today...so I am finishing the blog and treating you to a second one about today!]
Second, I did not actually see a "unicorn", but I definitely heard about a sighting. As you know, unicorns are mythical creatures, but in the dating world of woman, a unicorn is that perfect man we search for, a man that all women drool over and are jealous when he is in a relationship with someone. For most of my (liberal) friends, to us a unicorn, is a straight, attractive, intelligent, not socially awkward, sensitive guy who is also liberal-minded and comfortable with his sexuality. What truly makes a man a unicorn is the fact that he can be in a room with gay men and be totally comfortable with who he is, AND...this is the key...he has NO commitment issues.
I went to lunch with my friend, Emily, and it was much needed girl time! We have both had crazy busy schedules, so it was nice being able to meet up with her for lunch catch up on the last couple months of our lives. We had great creole food and talked for like an hour and a half. While catching up she told me about meeting this guy, and we joked about how hard a guy is hard to find, and that he might be her "unicorn." I nearly died laughing not because I thought she was funny, but because I had completely forgotten about the concept of "unicorns" in dating. It also provided me a little bit of perspective about my dating life and the choices I've made concerning it. I'm so happy that she's found someone she's crushing on and her makes her happy, even though their dating relationship is very new. It wasn't too long ago I felt that way, and part of me still feels that way about him, but not much I can do about things considering he's not interested in pursuing a relationship anymore. So, as much as I don't want to move on, I guess I am still on the hunt for my "unicorn".
So in between staying up all night working on things, lunch with Emily, and heading out to my friend's 25th birthday party, I also managed to get some shopping done for the kiddos to come stay with me, got my oil changed and tires rotated, and ran a few more errands (a.k.a. checking off a few more "to do" list tasks). I would have gotten much more done, but it seemed like the entire world was conspiring against me to make me unproductive and late for the birthday party, including the oil change and tire rotation that took 45 minutes longer than expected. I was really bummed about that because I wanted to go shoe shopping but didn't have enough time because of this delay. As I drove by the store, I slowed downing check the clock wondering if I had even just 10 minutes to do a drive-by shopping, but alas, there was no time, and I was even 5 minutes late to the party (although the birthday girl didn't even arrive until like 10 minutes after me...soooo...I could have shopped and been "on time"). LOL.
Ok, so I think I need get to the "sharks" because this blog is getting super long, and I still have to write a blog about today's adventure in "Kiddo Land." So, my girl, Brittany turned 25 yesterday, and we started at Cheeseburger in Paradise (great dinner, asshole bartender who flipped whipped cream on her as her "birthday shot"), went to Wolfies, and then to Landsharks in Broad Ripple. Dinner was great; we had several margaritas, a Tootsie, some lemonade punch-looking drink, and I think a few shots were added in there somewhere. I met a lot of great new people, and I got excited because I saw the possibility of new friends adding up. :) And, they are great potentials for game night attendees. This is why I love birthday parties...great way to meet new friends. Then, we went to Wolfies for another drink and to catch up with a bartender who is friend's with Brittany and couldn't make it to her party. Finally, we ended up at Landsharks where we were greeted with no cover and Brittany got a free "punch bowl" bucket with her very own shark toy. :) It's amazing how happy something as silly as free booze and a shark toy can make someone.
It was basically 4 of us girls plus one of her guy friends at the club, which was very dead and disappointing. There were old couples there trying to dance and "hang" with the young crowd, the skeezy gangsta guys who think they can dance up in your space uninvited, the cracked out chick who is making a fool of herself dancing (and we were lucky because we had not just 1, but 3 who provided us lots of laughs and entertainment!!), the hot bouncer I wanted to throw myself onto but resisted, scantily-dressed go-go dancers, the white wannabe gangstas who have no rhythm, and the creepy European-looking guys who watch you dance, but you can never figure out what they are thinking because they don't make a move. So basically, we had the variety show at the club even though it wasn't very crowded, and it was disappointing because at least if there had been some decent eye candy, it would have made the night a bit more interesting. LOL. Even without the eye candy, we had a great night dancing, watching Brittany take body shots, and just enjoying her birthday, which is why we were really there in the first place.
Lessons from the day:
So, you are probably curious about the post title. Well, there are really good stories behind it, all from today. First, the owls...So, I've been having a tough time sleeping the last couple days. In fact, I have been solidly awake since 7:30am Thursday morning. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up all night working on stuff for my actual job and knocking a couple of "to do" list items off the list as well. Slowly but surely that list is getting smaller.
Since it's almost 2am Saturday morning now, that means I have been up for 42.5 hours. As I sat up last night, I could help but think that I am such a night owl and actually get more work accomplished during the late hours than I do during daylight hours sometimes. I think at one point in the night, I started to drift off just a bit, which I welcomed, but it didn't quite happen. I did, however, have a brief "daydream" that I was sitting in a relatively quiet, small room with tons of owls perched around me all saying "Whoo". Not sure what that means, but nonetheless, that is house I started my day.
[Ok well, shortly after finishing the last sentence, I fell asleep while typing...guess that 42.5 hours caught up with me, and I've been busy all day today...so I am finishing the blog and treating you to a second one about today!]
Second, I did not actually see a "unicorn", but I definitely heard about a sighting. As you know, unicorns are mythical creatures, but in the dating world of woman, a unicorn is that perfect man we search for, a man that all women drool over and are jealous when he is in a relationship with someone. For most of my (liberal) friends, to us a unicorn, is a straight, attractive, intelligent, not socially awkward, sensitive guy who is also liberal-minded and comfortable with his sexuality. What truly makes a man a unicorn is the fact that he can be in a room with gay men and be totally comfortable with who he is, AND...this is the key...he has NO commitment issues.
I went to lunch with my friend, Emily, and it was much needed girl time! We have both had crazy busy schedules, so it was nice being able to meet up with her for lunch catch up on the last couple months of our lives. We had great creole food and talked for like an hour and a half. While catching up she told me about meeting this guy, and we joked about how hard a guy is hard to find, and that he might be her "unicorn." I nearly died laughing not because I thought she was funny, but because I had completely forgotten about the concept of "unicorns" in dating. It also provided me a little bit of perspective about my dating life and the choices I've made concerning it. I'm so happy that she's found someone she's crushing on and her makes her happy, even though their dating relationship is very new. It wasn't too long ago I felt that way, and part of me still feels that way about him, but not much I can do about things considering he's not interested in pursuing a relationship anymore. So, as much as I don't want to move on, I guess I am still on the hunt for my "unicorn".
So in between staying up all night working on things, lunch with Emily, and heading out to my friend's 25th birthday party, I also managed to get some shopping done for the kiddos to come stay with me, got my oil changed and tires rotated, and ran a few more errands (a.k.a. checking off a few more "to do" list tasks). I would have gotten much more done, but it seemed like the entire world was conspiring against me to make me unproductive and late for the birthday party, including the oil change and tire rotation that took 45 minutes longer than expected. I was really bummed about that because I wanted to go shoe shopping but didn't have enough time because of this delay. As I drove by the store, I slowed downing check the clock wondering if I had even just 10 minutes to do a drive-by shopping, but alas, there was no time, and I was even 5 minutes late to the party (although the birthday girl didn't even arrive until like 10 minutes after me...soooo...I could have shopped and been "on time"). LOL.
Ok, so I think I need get to the "sharks" because this blog is getting super long, and I still have to write a blog about today's adventure in "Kiddo Land." So, my girl, Brittany turned 25 yesterday, and we started at Cheeseburger in Paradise (great dinner, asshole bartender who flipped whipped cream on her as her "birthday shot"), went to Wolfies, and then to Landsharks in Broad Ripple. Dinner was great; we had several margaritas, a Tootsie, some lemonade punch-looking drink, and I think a few shots were added in there somewhere. I met a lot of great new people, and I got excited because I saw the possibility of new friends adding up. :) And, they are great potentials for game night attendees. This is why I love birthday parties...great way to meet new friends. Then, we went to Wolfies for another drink and to catch up with a bartender who is friend's with Brittany and couldn't make it to her party. Finally, we ended up at Landsharks where we were greeted with no cover and Brittany got a free "punch bowl" bucket with her very own shark toy. :) It's amazing how happy something as silly as free booze and a shark toy can make someone.
It was basically 4 of us girls plus one of her guy friends at the club, which was very dead and disappointing. There were old couples there trying to dance and "hang" with the young crowd, the skeezy gangsta guys who think they can dance up in your space uninvited, the cracked out chick who is making a fool of herself dancing (and we were lucky because we had not just 1, but 3 who provided us lots of laughs and entertainment!!), the hot bouncer I wanted to throw myself onto but resisted, scantily-dressed go-go dancers, the white wannabe gangstas who have no rhythm, and the creepy European-looking guys who watch you dance, but you can never figure out what they are thinking because they don't make a move. So basically, we had the variety show at the club even though it wasn't very crowded, and it was disappointing because at least if there had been some decent eye candy, it would have made the night a bit more interesting. LOL. Even without the eye candy, we had a great night dancing, watching Brittany take body shots, and just enjoying her birthday, which is why we were really there in the first place.
Lessons from the day:
- Never underestimate the power of a great lunch with a friend.
- Unicorns may be mythical creatures, but what they represent will never be extinct.
- Learn to enjoy the little things and don't sweat the small stuff.
- Sleep is a requirement not an option...I need to start getting better about that.
- I need a junk food intervention! I blow it every day.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Snow Day
I woke up this morning to about 3 inches of snow outside. Yuck! I am not a cold weather person at all, and knowing that it was yucky and cold outside instantly decreased my motivation to work today. Why is it always like that? So, pretty much I spent all day inside watching movies, working on some things here and there as my motivation allowed, took a lazy cat nap with the babies, and spent time catching up with friends online. All in all, it was a lazy day, and I'm totally ok with that. :)
I used to think that if I didn't accomplish a million things in a day that somehow I was a failure, and recently, I've learned while yes, it is important to do things, that you need to take time for yourself. And sometimes it's good enough to do a few quality things like taking time to talk with friends than do a bunch of meaningless things just because I have a list to check them off of. In fact, by having a lazy Thursday, I accomplished more than one goal on my "Change" Checklist, so I guess in a way, I had a pretty good day.
Even though I was lounging around most of the day, I wasn't totally idle. It gave me a lot of time to think about things going on in my life and relationships that I've been trying to figure out. By no means do I have things figured out, but I have a few interesting theories:
Until Tomorrow
XOXO
I used to think that if I didn't accomplish a million things in a day that somehow I was a failure, and recently, I've learned while yes, it is important to do things, that you need to take time for yourself. And sometimes it's good enough to do a few quality things like taking time to talk with friends than do a bunch of meaningless things just because I have a list to check them off of. In fact, by having a lazy Thursday, I accomplished more than one goal on my "Change" Checklist, so I guess in a way, I had a pretty good day.
Even though I was lounging around most of the day, I wasn't totally idle. It gave me a lot of time to think about things going on in my life and relationships that I've been trying to figure out. By no means do I have things figured out, but I have a few interesting theories:
- My cats are fiercely loyal, but a bit smothering. I lost circulation in my legs several times from having them lay on me. I guess they were not feely very motivated today either. I've been keeping them up all sorts of hours with my work around the house and with my conversations that I've been having out loud about things...They needed a nap today as much as I did. HAHA!
- No matter how far apart you are or how long it has been since you've last talked with them, true friends are always there for you. They will build you up when you are feeling down, tell you you're blog is great (even if it's only mediocre), and convince you that you aren't crazy even when certain people in your life make you question your own sanity.
- Time can be both a friend and an enemy when it comes to friends and relationships. It's funny...you can not talk friends you've known forever for months and feel like a neglectful friend, but with a quick message on Facebook, suddenly you are connected again and find out they are blogging, too. Thanks for the chat, Colleen (make sure to check out her blog at http://cheapwineandcookies.blogspot.com/). :)
- I am not sure I will completely figure out or understand men, but I sure like the idea of trying...when I'm ready again. As much as I've been hurt by men and relationships, I still believe in love. I want to be mad and say "screw all men," but I really can't. I believe in true love, and I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm not yet over my last relationship and not sure if/when I will be, but when that day comes, I hope to find someone who will be honest, loyal, loving, and someone I can trust with my heart.
- Not having someone special to share your life with, no matter what time of year, is not fun. I miss being with someone who makes me feel warm and safe in his arms, can make all of my worries go away with just one kiss on the cheek or forehead, and who inspires me to be better and do better. Not to mention, the no sex thing is tough. LOL. God, do I miss going to bed late at night making love and waking up early doing it all over again.
- Sometimes it takes someone you really care about putting a "mirror" in front of you for you to realize things about your life. It is for this reason that I started this whole blog thing in the first place. After really reflecting on the issues I'm wanting to change about my life and hearing how they view my life (although it was really hard to hear), I have realized some things about myself that I honestly think I was trying to avoid admitting and dare I say, hoping weren't true. While I'm not quite sure what all of it means yet, it has definitely been an eye-opening experience.
Until Tomorrow
XOXO
And the List Goes On...
Okay, so today marks Day #2 of this year-long project I have embarked on to change my life, and I couldn't have asked for a better day! First, it started off with a little ME time. I got my hair done this morning, and also got to spend some time with one of my good friends at the same time. I miss being able spend time with her, but at least I get to see her every 6-8 weeks when she does my hair. :) It was so great being able to catch up with her and talk with her about marital life now since her wedding last month. She is someone that has struggled with relationships and being a single mother for some time, but she has always kept her head high and not let her troubles get her down. She really reminded me today about what's important, and even after talking to her about what's been going on lately, she still said that she believes that I will find that one person who make me so happy in a way I won't see it coming and I just have to believe it will happen and it will. See why I love her?
So, after some pampering time this morning, I went to Menard's to get some supplies for sprucing up the house and trying to weatherize things a bit more. I spent like 45 minutes there, and I didn't want to go, but I had to because I had to leave to go to a work meeting. I know, I KNOW! I am on vacation and not supposed to be working until after the first of the year, but what can I say...I'm a workaholic, and I'm working on it (haha, pun intended). It was actually a great meeting, and I got some fantastic ideas for how to improve some things for work once I get back into the full swing of things.
Once my meeting was done, it was back to more me time. I got a late lunch at Arni's (I know...totally not adhering to the new diet, but it was ME day...cut me a break), and then did ran some errands and did some shopping. It is amazing how much time flies by when you are running errands!!
So in between sitting under the dryer at the salon and eating lunch at Arni's, I had some down time to reflect on this project and steps I'm going to take to accomplish these goals. The next thing I know I am writing a "to do list" for the day/week including basic chores like doing dishes, laundry, etc. but also working on things on my checklist like removing myself from dating websites, organizing my life (which requires organizing my house), and even getting out Christmas cards which will help me connect again with friends. Before I knew it, the 10 task list turned into a page and a half! I have decided that I'm obsessed with lists and need to add it to the list of things to change. HAHA!
But after giving the list a long good look and being able to check quite a few things off of it already today, I felt a great sense of accomplishment and have motivation to keep working my way through my list, day by day. Some of the items I've but on my life improvement list are going to take quite a while to master (e.g. not being a workaholic and sticking to my new diet).
On my way home from what already seemed like a great day, I got a text from someone I care about with some great news about his business. He had a very successful business deal happen today that I think exceeded everyone's initial thoughts on how well it would go. Although he and I haven't spoken much lately and I had nothing to do with this deal being so successful, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride and elation for him. I know what he's done to make his companies successful, and to finally see a big payoff like this for him, made my day even better. Like I've said recently (and may have totally stolen this quote, but can't remember if I did), finding joy in the happiness of others offers you joy and happiness. This absolutely rang true tonight.
Seeing him work over the last several months building these businesses has been a huge inspiration for me to want to start something I am passionate about. What exactly that will be is still in the works...an event planning/consulting business? become a writer? columnist? go into politics? I'm really not sure just yet..I still have a lot of thought to put into this. I don't expect to get filthy rich off of whatever idea I come up with, but I want to find something that I am passionate about.
Well, that's pretty much my day today...a little late in finishing up this blog, but oh well. :) I can't wait for tomorrow and what it brings!
Good Night Readers
XOXO
So, after some pampering time this morning, I went to Menard's to get some supplies for sprucing up the house and trying to weatherize things a bit more. I spent like 45 minutes there, and I didn't want to go, but I had to because I had to leave to go to a work meeting. I know, I KNOW! I am on vacation and not supposed to be working until after the first of the year, but what can I say...I'm a workaholic, and I'm working on it (haha, pun intended). It was actually a great meeting, and I got some fantastic ideas for how to improve some things for work once I get back into the full swing of things.
Once my meeting was done, it was back to more me time. I got a late lunch at Arni's (I know...totally not adhering to the new diet, but it was ME day...cut me a break), and then did ran some errands and did some shopping. It is amazing how much time flies by when you are running errands!!
So in between sitting under the dryer at the salon and eating lunch at Arni's, I had some down time to reflect on this project and steps I'm going to take to accomplish these goals. The next thing I know I am writing a "to do list" for the day/week including basic chores like doing dishes, laundry, etc. but also working on things on my checklist like removing myself from dating websites, organizing my life (which requires organizing my house), and even getting out Christmas cards which will help me connect again with friends. Before I knew it, the 10 task list turned into a page and a half! I have decided that I'm obsessed with lists and need to add it to the list of things to change. HAHA!
But after giving the list a long good look and being able to check quite a few things off of it already today, I felt a great sense of accomplishment and have motivation to keep working my way through my list, day by day. Some of the items I've but on my life improvement list are going to take quite a while to master (e.g. not being a workaholic and sticking to my new diet).
On my way home from what already seemed like a great day, I got a text from someone I care about with some great news about his business. He had a very successful business deal happen today that I think exceeded everyone's initial thoughts on how well it would go. Although he and I haven't spoken much lately and I had nothing to do with this deal being so successful, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride and elation for him. I know what he's done to make his companies successful, and to finally see a big payoff like this for him, made my day even better. Like I've said recently (and may have totally stolen this quote, but can't remember if I did), finding joy in the happiness of others offers you joy and happiness. This absolutely rang true tonight.
Seeing him work over the last several months building these businesses has been a huge inspiration for me to want to start something I am passionate about. What exactly that will be is still in the works...an event planning/consulting business? become a writer? columnist? go into politics? I'm really not sure just yet..I still have a lot of thought to put into this. I don't expect to get filthy rich off of whatever idea I come up with, but I want to find something that I am passionate about.
Well, that's pretty much my day today...a little late in finishing up this blog, but oh well. :) I can't wait for tomorrow and what it brings!
Good Night Readers
XOXO
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Life I Want
I woke up one day last week and thought to myself, "what am I doing with my life?". The sad part is that I really couldn't answer myself. I'm 28, single (again), living alone in my home with two cats (insert old maid jokes here), in a job that I both love and hate, and wondering what direction my life is heading. I guess you could say I want the "fairy tale", but I am starting to think that lives and loves like that don't exist anymore. It's just a sham that Disney and other movie makers have come up with to give women hope that they will one day meet their Prince Charming who will "complete" them and build a life and family with them. Well, guess what, I bought it hook, line, and sinker and have been clinging to that dream since I was 4. Now that the fairy tale hasn't come true (and not from lack of trying and finding love), somehow I've let myself feel like a failure at life...It was this reality that made think about how I am living my life and what I am judging my life against.
Before you go and judge me saying I'm being a bit dramatic about things, I am by no means saying that my life is the absolute worst on the planet. There are people dying from cancer or starvation, etc., who I know are much worse off than me, but that doesn't mean that my concerns and pain should be discounted either. I have been through a lot of traumatic situations over the last 22 years of my life, more than most people will go through their lifetime, and these situations have impacted my life in a huge way. Good or bad, I wouldn't be who I am today without them, but the person I have become lately is not who I want to be anymore. I want a different life. I want to be different.
Over the course of the last week or so, I've started to look introspectively to find out what it is exactly I want out of life and trying to figure out what I want to change about the way things are. Instead of just trying to find that one thing I want to change, I have decided to take a no-holds barred approach to changing my life. If I'm going to do it, I might as well go all out and really take hold of things. So here goes:
Before you go and judge me saying I'm being a bit dramatic about things, I am by no means saying that my life is the absolute worst on the planet. There are people dying from cancer or starvation, etc., who I know are much worse off than me, but that doesn't mean that my concerns and pain should be discounted either. I have been through a lot of traumatic situations over the last 22 years of my life, more than most people will go through their lifetime, and these situations have impacted my life in a huge way. Good or bad, I wouldn't be who I am today without them, but the person I have become lately is not who I want to be anymore. I want a different life. I want to be different.
Over the course of the last week or so, I've started to look introspectively to find out what it is exactly I want out of life and trying to figure out what I want to change about the way things are. Instead of just trying to find that one thing I want to change, I have decided to take a no-holds barred approach to changing my life. If I'm going to do it, I might as well go all out and really take hold of things. So here goes:
- Physical Health
- Get back to my target weight of 135lbs.
- Get back on a regular workout routine.
- Fit back into a bikini before I hit age 30.
- Start eating healthier and cut out junk food, soda, and candy.
- Learn to cook better food and eat more at home.
- Emotional Health
- Control my emotions better and stop taking my feelings out on others.
- Learn to manage stress better.
- Stop bottling up my feelings and talk more about what's going on in my life with those I care about.
- Professional Life
- Find a HEALTHY work-life balance. If this means finding a new job, then maybe that's what I need to do.
- Learn to find more joy than frustration with my job.
- Take a risk and try to start a business venture this year.
- Personal Life
- Spend more time with family, especially my niece and nephew. They are growing up way too fast, and I am missing out.
- I need to learn to appreciate my friendships more and make more time for spending with them (and my family) over work.
- Get rid of toxic friendships and relationships that are bringing unwanted stress in my life.
- Take more ME time...pamper myself with manis/pedis every once in a while, take myself to the movies, read a good book, etc.
- Find something fun that I am passionate about and make a new hobby of it.
- Be open to change and new experiences.
- Try to check off some things on my "Bucket List".
- Stop focusing on how much time I have left to have kids. I need to trust that when I'm supposed to be a mom that it will happen.
- Love Life
- Stop searching for love and let love try to find me.
- Stop using dating websites to meet new men because they are a waste of my time and the quality of men on most of them leaves something to be desired.
- Stop letting men, sex, and love (or lack thereof) define my life.
- Learn to truly trust and open my heart to whatever may come my way.
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