For those of you who have been following my blog, you will remember that one of the items on my "change checklist" is to find a better work-life balance. My current job (and I say job because I don't feel like I can make a true career out of it and be completely content) requires a lot of time in order to do it well. I am not required to work the 70-80 hours a week that I do, but honestly there is so much work to be done that if you don't do it, you just fall behind and keep falling behind. It's sad when we all have the mentality that even though we are on holiday vacation, that almost all of us have made at least one trip into the office, answered our email, and even taken phone calls that are work related. In fact, one of my coworkers said to me when I asked her why she was in the office on her vacation: "you know that even though it's vacation, we have work to do."
We use our vacations to catch up on work, not really what they were meant for. I mean, sure, we do take some time for ourselves and try to avoid doing work, but after a certain period of time, we start to worry about whether we should be checking our email, returning voicemails, or even what projects we would be working on to get "caught up" (because there is never really a point where we are truly caught up...only "less behind").
Granted, I work in non-profit and for many of us our jobs are more than jobs; they are our passion. I most definitely feel this way as I know a few others do. Even though I am passionate about my job and what I do is very personal to me, my family, and the people I help with my work, I am not happy with my current position. I feel like all I do is work or think about work. My life has become consumed by my job, and it's taking a huge toll on me physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially.
Quite often, we are not appreciated for all of the sacrifices we do and constantly worry that if we fall short this week or this month, we will be let go. This is not a great way to build morale, and as someone who has been at my organization for some time, morale is most definitely lacking at our office and has been for some time. Many of us dread coming to work, and it's sad that a group that used to once get along and enjoy our work have been denigrated to our current state.
Sometimes, I have mini panic attacks late on Sunday evenings at the thought of having to officially go to work Monday mornings because I worked all last week, a good part of Saturday, and most likely spent at least a couple hours work on stuff earlier in the day. I start to feel like I didn't have a weekend to relax, and it's already time to start over again. So, in the midst of my panic, I can't sleep, end up staying up all night and because I'm up all night, what do I do? I work. Why? Because I am never ahead, I'm always just "less behind."
What's worse, is the fact that I am doing a job I can do well, but not something I was actually educated and trained to do. Only a small part of my daily job relates to what I truly want to do with my life, and it's sad that I was grossly overlooked for a position in our organization that I was clearly more qualified to do than the person they hired and would have been my dream career.
Does anyone else feel that they live to work instead of work to live? What has happened with society that we have let our lives fall into this trap? It's no wonder that rates of depression and suicide have skyrocketed. If more people were passionate about their careers, were paid a living wage, and were valued for their contributions, I think more people would have the mentality of working to live instead of the other way around. I know I would.
"To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to it, is the key to happiness." ~ John DeweyI believe John Dewey was a very wise man. The problem, however, is that I know what I am "fitted to do," but finding the opportunity to do it has been a bit elusive. I've been toying around with several potential careers that would allow me to do what makes me most happy but in different ways.
- Becoming a teacher/professor of political science/government/public policy.
- Running for political office.
- Working as a non-profit lobbyist.
- Going back to law school and becoming a family law/social justice lawyer.
- Finding a non-profit position as a public policy analyst, grassroots advocacy coordinator, etc.
- Become a professional writer.
At the current pace I am going, I have no time to date (should I choose to lift my current ban...next blog will explain), I am constantly missing out on time with family and friends, and I most certainly have no time to be able to even consider starting a family should that opportunity arise. Basically, more than half of my current "change checklist" is contingent upon me finding a better career path in life if I am to succeed at accomplishing it. I think that is a very telling statement about where I currently am in my life...
I am envious of those people who have found their niche in life and are truly happy with their career path. Some have made amazing lives for themselves and are very well off, while others make a mediocre living, but couldn't be happier because they truly enjoy what they do. Well, I want a happy medium. I don't need to be exceedingly wealthy, but I would like to make a living that can sustain my current lifestyle and afford me the ability to be able to have a family (whether I do it on my own or someday with a partner). I want to wake up every morning and be excited about working and go to bed at night relaxed and feeling like I am waiting for someone to wake me up from my dream life.
I know I am not there yet, but I am working really hard to finally reach this goal. I think Thomas Edison put it best when he said: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Well, I haven't had 10,000 jobs yet (although some days it feels that way), but I will keep trying and moving forward until I finally get the one that makes me happy, health, "wealthy", and wise.
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