One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

Ok, so I haven't been posting blogs regularly, and I'm not really sure why I haven't had the motivation to do so. All in all, my days weren't bad, but I definitely have not really been myself.  I do have a few confessions to make:

1. I went against one of my steadfast rules, and I reactivated my OkCupid account. There are a lot of reasons why I did it, but none of them are good. Lonely. Curious about my ex's account. Wondering if I was even missed. Bored.
2. Apparently, I was "missed" and one of the guys I had been talking to before I cancelled the account contacted me and asked me out on a date. Again, breaking one of my rules, I went out with him for dinner and drinks tonight.  It went well, but that isn't the point.
3. I've been way too lazy on my vacation and haven't gotten even half of what I wanted to accomplished.
4. Although I have been trying to eat healthier, I just add the bad soda, snacks, and candy on top of it.
5. I have not been working out regularly like I said I was going to. I started out doing it, and just got caught up too much in other things.
6. I have been a little depressed more than I like because I am dreading having to go back to work on Monday, and the panic attacks are starting early.
7. I've been thinking about working while on vacation, even though I haven't yet really worked. The temptation is growing stronger, and I think I will cave tomorrow.
8. Sleeping has been a nightmare lately. I've been falling asleep on the couch at the wee hours of the morning, not getting much sleep during the night, and napping too much. My whole rhythm is thrown off.  Why is it that I can only sleep well when I'm seeing someone and sleeping with them in bed?  Why can't I learn to sleep well on my own?
9. I am finding it hard to truly rejoice in the good news of others when I feel like it should be "my turn". Why am I so petty and jealous right now? Of course, I don't make them feel that way, but while I am giving my congratulations it's hard for me to not feel like I should be the one in the great relationship...I should be the one announcing that I am having a baby.
10. I cannot stop thinking about sex...and have been seriously contemplating going back to my old lifestyle because things were just easier that way. Not happier, but easier.

I know this blog is supposed to be a cathartic release for me to talk about what's going on in my life, but it's hard to not look at that list and feel like I've failed already at improving on things in my life. I've barely made it two weeks, and some of the items I thought were doing so well have already slid backwards (way backwards).

Why is it so hard for me to truly stand on my own two feet and stop comparing myself to what others have in their lives? Is it truly possible for people to not measure their lives up to those around them?